Thursday, July 10, 2014

Greetings Laff Lovers,

My wife, my three kids and I were watching TV Sunday night when my 19 year-old daughter asked, "So what are you doing for the big day tomorrow?"

I thought, 'Big day tomorrow? It's fuckin' Monday. I'm going to go into the office and try not to be noticed.'

She must've seen the blank look on my face because she said, "July 7th?"

"Oh, shit!" erupted out of my mouth before I realized I could have played it cool and pretended it was a momentary lapse, and that I, of course, knew and remembered our anniversary and had a gift already hidden in the house somewhere.

All eyes shot to me and the truth was apparent. My wife looked a little hurt for a second and then she sighed and went back to watching TV.

Realizing the jig was up I pointed at my kids and said, "You're all completely useless. You are supposed to remind me a week in advance IN PRIVATE without your mother ever knowing that you had to remind me. Then you're supposed to tell me what you think the perfect gift for Mama would be, then you're supposed to help me find it...preferably online with free shipping. Then when it comes you wrap it and act excited for us."

"But no," I continued, "what do I get?" and I aped a South Side, Dago accent, "Yo, hey, so whaddaya gonna do tomorra. You gonna go eat or somethin'?"

In retrospect, maybe I shouldn't have gone off on a rant, because this was the first wedding anniversary ever where I had to whack off.

Solitarily,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

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Q: What do you get when you have 10 naked blonds standing on thier heads?

A: 10 brunettes.



A Jewish man married a Chinese woman. Their marriage was doing so well that they decided to have a baby. The husband wanted the baby to have a name that epitomized "Jewish people of today." His wife wanted the baby to have a meaningful, Chinese name.

After much thought they chose to combine two very meaningful names into one for their special boy. They named him Cha-Ching.



I have a devoted lover who lets me give it to her both ways.....Cash or Check.



When my wife came home yesterday afternoon to find the kitchen and living room a mess, the laundry still in a pile by the washer and me on the couch having done nothing but eat chips and watch TV all afternoon.

She shook her finger at me, "You better watch this lazy attitude you've had lately, mister, or you're going to make me do something I don't want to do!"

"Wow," I thought, "I can't believe I'm going to get a blowjob out of this."