Thursday, November 1, 2012

Greetings Laff Lovers,

It has been pretty windy around the Chicagoland area the last couple of days, leftovers from Sandy, and everybody in my neighborhood has been doing nothing but raking leaves.

So as I was driving through my subdivision yesterday afternoon I came to a stop sign and saw a woman in her yard raking up a huge pile of leaves. Maybe it was the furtive glances she was casting over her shoulder that made me pause (or maybe it was the coin slot she was showing off when she bent over), but as I watched her she strategically placed her back to the wind and using her rake she began tossing the dead leaves in the air like she was tossing a giant salad.

At first I couldn't figure out what the hell she was doing, but then I noticed the wind was carrying most of those leaves right next door into her neighbor's yard.

That sneaky bitch! What a brilliant idea. Only a woman would come up with something both so clever and underhanded.

Appreciatively,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

P.S. Are you on Facebook? If you are, check out the Deal of the Day fan page. You get exclusive offers and a new deal every day. It is easy to become a fan, just click here and hit the like button... 'Like' Deal of the Day Here



"There exists a widespread myth that humans should learn about sex from their parents. My relationship with my father nearly ended when he tried to teach me how to drive. I can't imagine our relationship having survived his instructing me how to have sex." --Bob Smit



My wife told me to go to the doctors and get some of those tablets that 'help' you get an erection.

You should have seen her face when I came back and tossed her some diet pills!

I'm still looking for a place to live.



Official Announcement
*********************
The government today announced that it is changing its emblem from an Eagle to a CONDOM because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance.

A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed.



*** THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZ ***
It's Available. THE Laffaday Book... Check it out, it's $1! (plus s&h). For more info or to order visit: THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZ



What the Doctor says and what he really means.

Doctor: "This should be taken care of right away."

Translation: I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month, but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.

Doctor: "Let me check your medical history."

Translation: I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending any more time with you."

Doctor: "We have some good news and some bad news."

Translation: The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you're going to pay for it.

Doctor: "Let me schedule you for some tests."

Translation: I have a forty percent interest in the lab.

Doctor: "I'd like to prescribe a new drug."

Translation: I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.

Doctor: "If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call."

Translation: I don't know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.

Doctor: "I'd like to run some more tests."

Translation: I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve it.