Thursday, July 30, 2015

Greetings Laff Lovers,

This morning I felt a sharp little pain inside my nostril. Trying to figure out if it was an ingrown hair or a pimple or what I stuck my head out of my office and asked one of the girls to borrow a makeup mirror.

"You're not going to do anything weird with it, are you?" she asked while rummaging in her purse.

"Nope," I replied. "Just stick it down my pants."

"You're in luck then," she said, "I have a magnifying compact right here."

Busted,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

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"Farmers in France have started giving their cows two bottles of wine every day, in order to make better beef. Unfortunately, all the cows wind up doing is texting their ex-milkers." -Jimmy Fallon



A man says to his wife, "I'm in the mood for something kinky tonight, how about I blow my load in your ear?"

The wife hastily replies, "That's gross! What if I go deaf?"

To which the man replies, "I've been shooting my wads in your mouth for the last 20 years and you're still fucking talking aren't you?"



"A new book by Dr. Seuss came out today called 'What Pet Should I get.' He was inspired to write it when his wife said, 'I want a baby.'" -Seth Meyers



When Jane first met Tarzan in the jungle, she was immediately attracted to him. During her questions about his life, she asked him how he had sex?

"Tarzan not know sex," he replied.

Jane explained to him what sex was.

Tarzan said, "Oh, Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree."

Horrified, Jane said, "Tarzan you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to do it properly."

She took off her clothing and got down on the ground. "Here," she said, pointing to her privates, "you must put it in here."

Tarzan removed his loin cloth, showing Jane his considerable manhood, stepped closer to her, and kicked her in the crotch!

Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity. Eventually she managed to grasp for air and screamed, "What the hell did you do that for?"

Tarzan replied, "Check for squirrel."