Monday, March 18, 2013

Greetings Laff Lovers,

I've been a bit backed up lately. I don't know if my wife's cooking is finally catching up with me or if it's one of those things that happen as you age. You know, like an older woman's vagina dries up like the Sahara on a hot summer afternoon? Anyway, Clean Laffs Joe suggested I administer myself an enema.

"I tried that once," I said, "but I just couldn't get myself to push it in."

"Afraid you were going to like it?"

"Yeah, I thought, 'maybe these homos know something I don't.'"

"Don't be such a baby. Have your wife help you...you can even make an erotic night out of it."

"Man, what the hell is wrong with you? Having a woman shove a hose up my ass causing me to shit all over the place is not my idea of an erotic night...anymore."

Old-fashionedly,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

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My wife told me to go to the doctors and get some of those tablets that 'help' you get an erection.

You should have seen her face when I came back and tossed her some diet pills!

I'm still looking for a place to live.



There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:

1. He called everyone brother
2. He liked Gospel
3. He didn't get a fair trial

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:

1. He went into His Father's business
2. He lived at home until he was 33
3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his Mother was sure He was God

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:

1. He talked with His hands
2. He had wine with His meals
3. He used olive oil



Official Announcement
*********************
The government today announced that it is changing its emblem from an Eagle to a CONDOM because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance.

A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed.



What the Doctor says and what he really means.

Doctor: "This should be taken care of right away."

Translation: I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month, but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.

Doctor: "Let me check your medical history."

Translation: I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending any more time with you."

Doctor: "We have some good news and some bad news."

Translation: The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you're going to pay for it.

Doctor: "Let me schedule you for some tests."

Translation: I have a forty percent interest in the lab.

Doctor: "I'd like to prescribe a new drug."

Translation: I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.

Doctor: "If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call."

Translation: I don't know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.

Doctor: "I'd like to run some more tests."

Translation: I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve it.