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Sunday, April 3, 2016

Greetings Laff Lovers,

It's finally starting to look like spring outside, which means any weekend now the wife is going to start giving me outside projects to do. Clean the gutters, edge the lawn, all that shit.

I suppose I could distract her for a few more weekends with marathons of sweaty, sticky, circus-sex leaving her too sore and exhausted to think about anything other than sitting in a bath of warm water.

Which means I should probably figure out where I stored that edger.



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"A town in Maine is facing pressure to rename a street called Katie's Crotch Road. Lawmakers said that they understood people's concerns and announced the street's new name: Linda's Crotch Road." -Jimmy Fallon

A girl I know said the last time she had sex, it was like the men's Olympic 100 meter final.

I laughed, "What? Over in 9.5 seconds?"

"No," she said, "Eight black men and a gun."

"Republicans are blaming President Obama for creating Donald Trump. While others say he was created in a lab when a young real estate developer was bitten by a radioactive douchebag." -Conan O'Brien

Paul was ambling through a crowded street fair when he decided to stop and sit at a Palm Reader's table. Said the mysterious old woman, "For fifteen dollars, I can read your love line and tell your romantic future."

Paul readily agreed and the reader took one look at his open palm and said, "I can see that you have no girlfriend."

"That's true," said Paul.

"Oh my goodness, you are extremely lonely, aren't you?"

"Yes," Paul shamefully admitted. "That's amazing. Can you tell all of this from my love line?"

"Love line? No, from the calluses."

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