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Sunday, September 21, 2014Greetings Laff Lovers,
We were in a company editorial meeting, and were at the point where we are encouraged to pitch an idea for a new publication or a clever way in which we can improve our current lineup.
"I have an idea," I said raising my hand. "I've been putting a lot of thought into an idea for a new weekly publication. It would be called 'Savant' and we would track down and feature retards who do really neat stuff."
"Excuse me?" The new girl piped up. "Did you say 'retards'?"
"Yeah. Why, do you have any in your family that could juggle or play the piano or recite the alphabet backwards or anything?"
Her jaw dropped and she looked around the room for support.
"Don't look to them, honey," I said. "They are going to be the first few features in the new publication."
Specially,
TZ
Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link:
tz@gophercentral.comP.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click
GopherArchives"The only gracious way to accept an insult is to ignore it; if you can't ignore it, top it; if you can't top it, laugh at it; if you can't laugh at it, it's probably deserved." --Russell Lynes
Dear wife,
You must realize that you are 54 years old, and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18 year old teaching assistant. I'll be home before midnight.
- Your Husband
When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows:
Dear Husband,
You, too, are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18 year old pool boy. Since you are a mathematician, you will appreciate that 18 goes into 54 more times than 54 goes into 18. Therefore don't wait up.
- Your Wife
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT 1. She is not a "BABE "or a "CHICK" - She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN."
2. She is not a "SCREAMER" or a "MOANER" - She is "VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE."
3. She is not "EASY" - She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."
4. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" - She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."
5. She has not "BEEN AROUND" - She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."
6. She is not an "AIRHEAD" - She is "REALITY IMPAIRED."
7. She does not get "DRUNK" or "TIPSY" - She gets "CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED."
8. She does not have "BREAST IMPLANTS" - She is "MEDICALLY ENHANCED."
9. She is not a "TRAMP" - She is "SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED."
10. She does not have "MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS: - She is "PECTORALLY SUPERIOR."
11. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" - She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER.