Sunday, October 12, 2014

Greetings Laff Lovers,

Earlier this month a friend of mine (Ok, an acquaintance) showed me the letter he intended to send to his soon-to-be ex wife. I tried not to read it, but alas, the scumbag in me won out.

It was depressing. It was more than depressing, it was 'I am now starting to question my own marriage' depressing.

Now I have vowed to incorporate "never read another man's divorce letter to his wife" into my code of conduct... OK, you got me. I don't really have a code of conduct--but I always wanted one. And if I ever develop the discipline required to have a code of conduct, not reading the correspondence between two people in great pain is going to be at the top.

Actually, that rule will have to have subsections, too. So it will look something like this:

TZ's Code of Conduct:

1. Never read another man's divorce letter to his wife

(a) When I divorce my wife do not write her a letter

Well, that's all I've come up with so far. I guess everything else is pretty much acceptable.

Enumeratingly,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click GopherArchives



"People looking into Barack Obama's campaign contributions say that Obama may have received $3.3 million from abroad. And it turns out that broad is Oprah Winfrey." -Conan O'Brien



Apple Computer reported today that it has developed computer chips that can be implanted and play music inside women's breasts. The music is in stereo, of course.

This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts, and not listening to them.



"There's a new cafe in New York City where guys go in and they can scan profiles of women who are already in the place, and if they find a woman that's interesting to them, for the price of a cover charge, the staff will arrange an introduction. Didn't that used to be called a whorehouse?" -Jay Leno



A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the home-owner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife: 'Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain...do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both.. Be strong, honey. I love you!'

His wife responds: 'He wasn't kissing my neck - he was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom.

'Be strong. I love you, too!'