Monday, April 15, 2013Greetings Laff Lovers,
Dear Diary,
I just saw a news clip about how difficult it is for grandparents to know what movie to take their grandchildren to. The problem, they said, is that all movies, even the animated features, now have at least one really scary character in them that could traumatize the kids.
Sheeeeiiit.
I was eleven in 1975 when my dad got me for a weekend because the court said he deserved visitation rights. I don't know why none of my brothers and sisters had to go, but I did. Perhaps because my dad always liked me and my mom figured I was the least likely one he would eat.
I don't remember what we did for the first half of the day, but the second half was spent in a theatre downtown watching Robert Altman's new movie "Nashville". I think it was a long movie going behind the scenes in the country music business. But at the end there was a scene in which a lady who was trying to break into the biz is convinced to try stripping as a launching pad to stardom. She, being the genius that she was, said "OK".
You know, my dick has never been as hard as it was that day. It was so hard it was painful. It actually set the standard for me for the rest of my life. Till today I will sometimes tell my wife, "Honey, you were really hot tonight. You had me so hard...almost "Nashville" hard."
And she gets all happy.
Yeah, scary monsters in cartoons are bad, but soft porn has a way of creating a bond between a son and his father. Yep, I never minded going with him on Saturdays after that.
1975ly,
TZ
Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link:
tz@gophercentral.comP.S.
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An 8-year-old choir boy catches the priest masturbating.
He said, "What are you doing father?"
"It's called masturbating," the priest replied. "You'll be doing this soon."
"Why father?" he asked.
"Because my wrist is killing me," the priest replied.
A man says to his wife, "I'm in the mood for something kinky tonight, how about I blow my load in your ear?"
The wife hastily replies, "No, I might go deaf!"
To which the man replies, "I've been shooting my wads in your mouth for the last 20 years and you're still fucking talking aren't you?"
The Mexican maid asked for a pay increase.
The wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise.
She asked: "Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?"
Maria: "Well, Senora, there are tree reasons why I wanna increaze."
"The first is that I iron better than you."
Wife: "Who said you iron better than me?"
Maria: "Jor huzban, he say so."
Wife: "Oh yeah?"
Maria: "The second reason eez that I am a better cook than you."
Wife: "Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?"
Maria: "Jor hozban did"
Wife increasingly agitated: "Oh he did--- did he???"
Maria: "The third reason is that I am better at sex than you in the bed."
Wife, really boiling now and through gritted teeth. "And did my husband say that as well?"
Maria: "No Senora.......The gardener did."
Wife: "Ok, So how much do you want?"