Thursday, June 23, 2016
Greetings Laff Lovers,
This morning the girls in the office were talking about their favorite reality TV shows and I was listening to the conversation with the disinterested distraction that comes from living with a woman for 25 years.
"I looooove Big Brother," one said.
"Survivor is the best reality show," said another.
"My favorite is Real Housewives," contributed a third.
"I'm a fan of Naked and Afraid," one of them said finally, and my ears immediately perked up.
"Naked and Afraid?" I said. "That sounds like my bedroom. If this show is a success maybe I should put a camera in my room and cash in on the drama."
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"Last night, the Federal Election Commission announced how much cash each campaign has on hand. And Hillary Clinton is burying Donald Trump $42 million to $1.3 million. I always knew those huge skyscrapers were overcompensating for something in his pants. I just never imagined it was his wallet." -Stephen Colbert
"You looked troubled," I told my friend, "what's the problem?"
He replied, "I'm going to be a father."
"But that's wonderful," I said.
"What's wonderful? My wife doesn't know about it yet!"
"Actor Charlie Sheen has announced he will be the official spokesman for a new Swedish brand of condoms, 'cause nothing gets your girlfriend more excited for sex than saying, 'It's the kind Charlie Sheen uses.'" -Seth Meyers
The husband was a bit embarrassed and told the doctor he had trouble getting an erection with his wife and she was getting frustrated. The doc checked the man's blood pressure and other vitals, then after a thorough examination said he wanted to check with the wife.
He took her to another cubicle and asked her to disrobe. Then he told her to turn all the way around slowly. She did as instructed. He then told her to raise her arms above her head, then bend over, touch her toes and cough. Finally he said, "Ok, good. You can get dressed now, and I will talk to your husband."
The doctor went back to the other cubicle and said to the husband, "Well, you can relax, there is nothing wrong with you. I couldn't get an erection either."