Monday, November 4, 2013

Greetings Laff Lovers,

The wife and I were having another row. Nothing serious. I came home to find the kids stacked in front of the TV and I suggested to the wife that they should be doing something constructive instead of having their brains turned into mush.

She told me anything that distracts them for a couple hours in the afternoon while she cleans up and gets dinner ready is fine with her and if I want them to do something constructive I should come home a couple hours early and occupy them myself.

Then I said...well, suffice it to say we "discussed" it for several minutes before the subject was dropped. I thought the matter was over but the wife maintained a determined silence the rest of the evening.

Later that night, in bed, I snuggled up behind her and started nuzzling her ear.

"You've got to be kidding," she said, pushing my hand away. "You're still in the dog house. I can't believe how insensitive you were this afternoon. Somehow I just don't know how I put up with you."

"Hey," I countered, "you're supposed to love me no matter what."

Without turning over she answered, "You're confusing me with Jesus."

High-and-dry-ly,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

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I know I have become an adult because when I'm on Xbox Live, instead of being called a gay 12-year-old girl, I'm called a fat pedofile. I play for the self esteem boost.



A husband and wife were sitting watching TV. He turned to his wife and said... "Here's a riddle for you, Honey. Can you tell me something that will make me happy and sad, all at the same time?"

She thinks about it for a minute and says, "You have the biggest dick of all your Friends."



Kim, Kourtney and Khloe; The only KKK that will let black guys inside them.



Beer Vs. Pussy

A beer is always wet. A pussy needs encouragement.
Advantage: Beer.

A beer tastes terrible served hot. A pussy tastes better served hot.
Advantage: Pussy.

Having an ice cold beer makes you satisfied.
Having an ice cold pussy makes you Hillary Clinton.
Advantage: Beer.

Beers have commercials making fun of skunky ones. Pussy does not.
Advantage: Pussy.

If you get a hair in your teeth consuming pussy, you are not disgusted.
Advantage: Pussy

24 beers come in a box.
A pussy is a box you can come in.
Advantage: Pussy.

Too much head makes you mad at the person giving you a beer.
Advantage: Pussy.

If a beer is brewed with yeast, it is still edible.
Advantage: Beer.

If you come home smelling like beer, your wife may get mad.
If you come home smelling like pussy, you will get divorced.
Advantage: Beer.

6 beers in a night and you better not drive.
6 pussies in a night and you have done all the driving you need.
Advantage: Pussy

Buy too much beer and you will get fat.
Buy too much pussy and you will get poor.
Advantage: Pussy

It is socially acceptable to have a beer in the stands at a football game.
You are a legend if you have a pussy in the stands at a football game.
Advantage: Pussy

If a cop smells beer on your breath, you are going to get a breathalyzer.
If a cop smells pussy on your breath, you are going to get a high five.
Advantage: Pussy