Thursday, September 29, 2011

Greetings Laff Lovers,

Today actually turned out to be a nice day, so I decided to take my car in for its emissions test. It passed.

As a bonus, the cute, 20-something technician chick was flirting with me. Okay, maybe not flirting, but she did smile at me when I suggested something fun we could do with her sensor, which is a hell of a lot better than what I was expecting her to do, which was hit me with it.

So I was feeling pretty good when I got back to the office this afternoon. That's when I got a call from my wife. She said, "TZ, remember you were complaining about an itch this morning? Well, I think I gave you a yeast infection. Write down the name of this cream I want you to pick up for us on your way home from work today."

Deflatedly,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com



"A study in Italy showed that people who eat a lot of pizza are less likely to get colon cancer. And another study says masturbation reduces risk of prostate cancer. It's what I've always said: Diet and exercise." --Jay Leno



Science magazine came out with a report on the difference between men and women's brains.

Apparently women are more controlled by a part of the brain called singletgyrus.

Men are more controlled by a part of the brain known as the penis.



"This week, the U.S. military will formally end its 'don't ask, don't tell' policy. Later this week, the Air Force begins Operation 'It's Raining Men.'" -Conan O'Brien



*** THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZ ***
It's Available. THE Laffaday Book... Check it out, it's 91 cents! (plus s&h). For more info or to order visit: THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZ



Two Rednecks, Larry and Doug, are sitting at their favorite bar, drinking beer. Larry turns to Doug and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through life without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the Community College and sign up for some classes."

Doug thinks it's a good idea and the two leave. The next day, Larry goes down to the college and meets Dean of Admissions, who signs him up for the four basic classes: Math, English, History, and Logic.

"Logic?" Larry says. "What's that?"

The dean says, "I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?"

"Yeah."

"Then logically speaking, because you own a weed eater, I think that you would have a yard."

"That's true, I do have a yard."

"I'm not done," the dean says. "Because you have a yard, I think logically that you would have a house."

"Yes, I do have a house."

"And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a family."

"Yep, I have a family alright."

"I'm not done yet.. Because you have a family, then logically you must have a wife. And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you must be a heterosexual."

"I am a heterosexual! That's amazing, you were able to find out all of that because I have a weed eater."

Excited to take the class now, Larry shakes the Dean's hand and leaves to go meet Doug at the bar. He tells Doug about his classes, how he is signed up for Math, English, History, and Logic.

"Logic?" Doug says, "What's that?"

Larry says, "I'll give you an example. Do you have a weed eater?"

"Nope."

"Yer a homo, ain't ya?"