Sunday, August 14, 2016

Greetings Laff Lovers,

Here it is, one more week shot to hell. Do you ever feel like your life is trickling away one week, one day, one hour, one minute at a time? Like there is something you should be doing with your life but you never have the time or the energy because you spend all of your time working and all of your money on the necessities of living and providing for your family?

Sometimes I think there must be more. Sometimes I want to make more of my life than eating three meals a day, sleeping seven hours a night and bringing my wife to sexual ecstasy twice.....once a week.

Before I grow too old I am going to find my purpose, make my mark. I am going to leave a legacy so that after I am gone people will remember the name of TZ...oh, look! Naked pictures of Jessica Alba...

Philosophically,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

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"The guy is going to be OK, but in California, a man playing Pokemon Go was stabbed. The man said, 'It was terrifying, my lack of a life flashed before my eyes.'" -Conan O'Brien



Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face and told her mother, "Frankie Brown showed me his weenie today at the playground!"

Before the mother could raise a concern, Sally went on to say, "It reminded me of a peanut."

Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's Mom asked, "Really small, was it?"

Sally replied, "No, Salty."

Mom Fainted.




"Vice President Joe Biden yesterday performed a same-sex wedding for a pair of longtime White House staffers. Said the staffers, 'But we're just friends!'" -Seth Meyers



Top 10 Country Western Songs:

10. I Hate Every Bone In Her Body But Mine.

9. I Ain't Never Gone To Bed With an Ugly Woman But I Woke Up With a Few.

8. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me.

7. I've Missed You, But My Aim's Improvin'.

6. Wouldn't Take Her To A Dogfight 'Cause I'm Scared She'd Win.

5. I'm So Miserable Without You It's Like You're Still Here.

4. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Miss Him.

3. She Took My Ring and Gave Me the Finger.

2. She's Lookin' Better with Every Beer.

And the Number One Country & Western song is:

1. It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chewed My Ass All Day.