Thursday, September 5, 2013

Greetings Laff Lovers,

Satan walked into my office and asked, "TZ, did you take Michele's frozen lasagna?"

"Excuse me?"

"Somebody stole her lasagna, and it's not the first time. So we want to smell your breath."

"How about you smell my ass?"

"Come on TZ, we all thought that you're the only person with such low character as to steal someone's lunch."

"You ALL thought that? Damn. That hurts my feelings. Well, I see it a bit differently."

"How's that?"

"I see it that some poor bastard who works for the slave wages you pay had to resort to stealing a co-worker's lunch because they can't afford to feed themselves. So no matter who stole it, it's your fault."

"My fault? What if I told you we have video of you taking it?"

"Well, we all know you can't trust video with all that Photoshop stuff, and anyway, I know this: the only video camera in this office is in the women's washroom."

Spyingly,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

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"Quite an experience to live in fear, isn't it? That's what it is to be a slave." -Rutger Hauer as Roy Batty in "Blade Runner"



A woman goes to the hospital. "What seems to be the problem?" asked the Doctor.

"Something is terribly wrong, I keep finding postage stamps from Costa Rica in my vagina."

The Doctor takes a look, chuckles and says "Those aren't postage stamps my dear, they're the stickers off the bananas."



"Good men are unwilling to rule, either for money's sake or for honour.... So they must be forced to consent under threat of penalty.... The heaviest penalty for declining to rule is to be ruled by someone inferior to yourself. That is the fear, I believe, that makes decent people accept power..." -Plato



In an Irish Courtroom, the judge says to a double-homicide defendant, "You're charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer."

A voice at the back of the courtroom yells out, "You bastard!"

The judge says, "You're also charged with beating your mother-in-law to death with a hammer."

The voice in the back of the courtroom yells out, "You rotten bastard!"

The judge stops and says to Paddy in the back of the courtroom, "Sir, I can understand your anger and frustration at these crimes But no more outbursts from you, or I'll charge you with contempt. Is that understood?"

Paddy stands up and says, "I'm sorry Your Honor, but for 15 years I've lived next door to that guy and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he didn't have one!"