Thursday, June 20, 2013

Greetings Laff Lovers,

"Buy a new car, TZ," my brother said after seeing all the dings and little scratches from the kids bumping into it with their bats and bikes and rollerblades in the garage.

"Why? This runs like a top," I said.

"Yeah, but it's beat up."

"Sheeeiit. You want me to buy them another car to beat up? Hell, I park anywhere, don't get upset about new dings, and put low-grade gas in it even though it says put premium. I love this car and it's been paid off for a long time."

"You're at the age where you should be going through a midlife crisis. Don't you want something flashy?"

"That's the good thing about being me: I don't care what people think...What I really want is my wife to take pole dancing lessons."

Contently,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

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I bought the wife a Memory Stick, it's great!

She hasn't forgotten my beer, dinner or sex once since the first beating.



A young couple, on the brink of divorce, visits a marriage counselor. The counselor asks the wife, "What's the problem?"

She says, "My husband suffers from premature ejaculation."

The counselor turns to her husband and inquires, "Is that true?"

The husband replies, "Well not exactly, she's the one that suffers, not me."



"The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money costs less." -Brendan Francis



My wife found out that our dog (a Schnauzer) could hardly hear, so she took it to the veterinarian... The vet found that the problem was hair in the dog's ears. He cleaned both ears, and the dog could then hear fine. The vet then proceeded to tell Andrea that, if she wanted to keep this from recurring, she should go to the store and get some "Nair" hair remover and rub it in the dog's ears once a month.

Andrea went to the store and bought some "Nair" hair remover. At the register, the pharmacist told her, "If you're going to use this under your arms, don't use deodorant for a few days."

Andrea said, "I'm not using it under my arms."

The pharmacist said, "If you're using it on your legs, don't use body lotion for a couple of days."

Andrea replied, "I'm not using it on my legs either. If you must know, I'm using it on my Schnauzer."

The pharmacist says, "Well, stay off your bicycle for about a week."