Thursday, February 27, 2014

Greetings Laff Lovers,

I was talking with a friend of mine who was complaining about his wife's constant chatter. What happened at work, what happened picking up the kids, what happened at the gas station, what happened at the grocery store, all about the asshole who cut her off on the drive home, what her friend Patty told her during her phone conversation earlier in the evening. Nothing but chatter and not a single important datum in the entire monologue.

He sighed, exasperated, "Doesn't your wife ever talk your ear off like that, TZ?"

"Hey, when she starts saying stuff like that I'll just call her over, pull out Mr. Johnson, and say, 'Here, put this back in your mouth.'"

"Is that why your dick is so short?" he quipped. "She bit half of it off?"

Problem-solved-ly,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

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"The Arizona legislature passed a bill that would allow business owners asserting their religious beliefs to deny service to gay customers. Some businesses have already put up signs that read: 'Nice shirt, nice shoes, no service.'" -Seth Meyers



[Sent by faithful Laffaday reader Bob Lazar.]

Japanese Sex

A Japanese couple is in an argument over ways to experience highly erotic sex.

Husband says: "Sukitak..."

Wife replies: Kowanini.

Husband says: Toka a anji rodi roumi yakoo!

Wife on her knees literally begging: Mimi nakoundinda tinkouji!

Husband replies angrily: Na miaou kina tim kouji!

And YOU just sit there, reading this shit as if you understand Japanese!



"The FDA has approved a new camera that can be swallowed so that doctors can look at the inside of their patients' bodies. So to answer your question: Yes, selfies CAN get worse." -Jimmy Fallon



One day, a wife goes up to her husband and asks for twenty dollars to buy meat.

"Are you crazy?" says the husband, "I already give you too much for food!" So he takes her over to a mirror and pulls out a 20. "Let me show you something. This twenty-dollar bill is mine. The one in the mirror is yours. Get it?"

The wife nods.

The next day, the husband returns home to find a freezer full of meat. Angry, he asks his wife about it. She pulls him over to the mirror and lifts up her skirt.

"See the one in the mirror? That's yours. This one here is the butcher's."