Thursday, December 13, 2012

Greetings Laff Lovers,

As my grandfather was always dropping pearls of wisdom on me, I thought I would share a few of the more memorable ones with my faithful readers. One of the gems he gave me was, "TZ, marry a woman with small hands. It makes your dick look bigger." But the one that just popped into my head is, "TZ, getting old ain't for pussies." And lately, as I feel the effects of forty-some years of crawling around on this dirt, I've come to appreciate his wisdom.

I've been suspecting that I'm getting old, but something just happened to prove it. I walked into the office, sarcastically thanked our tri-athlete IT guy for the donuts he brought in, then told the head of customer that her new hairstyle gave me a spontaneous stiffy without feeling any embarrassment about it, but that's not what made me feel old. That's all just part of a normal day.

What made me feel old is when I sat down into my chair I sat on my own balls.

Jumpingly,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

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"There's a new dating site aimed at matching up women who like to travel with men willing to pay for their trips. It's part of a new dating trend called prostitution." -Jimmy Fallon



During a lady's medical examination, the doctor says, "Your heart, lungs, pulse and blood pressure are all fine. Now, let me see that little thing which gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble."

The lady starts taking off her clothes but is interrupted by the doctor. "No! No! Please don't remove your clothes; just show me your tongue!"

[Thanks to Luis Bordo for this little gem. You better hope your wife isn't subscribed to this publication, Luis.]



"For the first time ever, 'Sesame Street' is going to be tackling the topic of divorce. They want to make it clear that it's never the child's fault. And Ernie and Bert will remain friends." -Conan O'Brien



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A mother in law said to her son's wife when their baby was born: "I don't mean to be rude but he doesn't look anything like my son."

The daughter-in-law lifted her skirt and said: "I don't mean to be rude either, but this is a pussy...not a fucking photo-copier."