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Thursday, September 10, 2015
Greetings Laff Lovers,
I have been thinking about diversifying my investment portfolio. My 401k has been growing at a steady quarter percent per year, which means I should be able to retire on that when I hit 175 years old, I have a couple CDs and long-term bonds which amount to ten thousand or so...and that's it.
In other words, I am woefully under-prepared in any kind of long-term sense. But what really got me thinking was all of the worrying economic news I have been reading lately. China had a market collapse, the Fed is going to be raising rates which is going to cause a slow-down, the debt bubble is supposed to be precariously close to popping, etc... Real doom and gloom stuff.
So dumping and extra 5 percent into a mutual fund that is about to take a massive shit doesn't seem to make a lot of sense.
That's when I heard about a coin show going on at one of the local convention centers this weekend. What is better to have during a financial crisis than gold and silver?
But I don't know a ducat from a doubloon. So I thought I would hit this show and give myself an education, because I'm not the kind of guy who jumps into a big financial decision without knowing what the hell he's getting into.
I learned that lesson the hard way when I lost about 15 thousand on those Mexican midget brothels.
If anybody has any advice feel free to drop me a note (advice on investing in gold and silver, not Mexican midgets).
Investingly,
TZ
Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link:
tz@gophercentral.com
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THIS IS A FRIGHTENING STATISTIC, PROBABLY ONE OF THE MOST WORRYSOME IN RECENT YEARS.
25 percent of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness.
That's scary.
It means 75 percent are running around untreated!
In the bar the other day I was telling that old joke about what do you do if you see an epileptic having a fit in the bathtub. The answer, of course, being...throw in your wash.
We were all having a good laugh about this when this big bastard tapped me on the shoulder and said, "I don't find that very funny. My brother was an epileptic and he died in the bath during one of his fits."
I said, "I Sorry, buddy. Did he drown?"
"No," he replied, "He choked on a sock."
"A new study shows that drivers high on marijuana are less dangerous than drunk drivers. The study shows the biggest issue is marijuana users waiting for the stop sign to turn green." -Seth Meyers
Jack goes to his friend Joe and says, "I'm sleeping with the minister's wife. Can you keep him back in church for an hour after service for me?"
Joe doesn't like it, but being a friend, he agrees.
After the service, Joe starts talking to the minister, asking him all sorts of stupid questions, just to keep him occupied.
Finally the minister gets annoyed and asks Joe what he's really up to.
Joe, feeling guilty, finally confesses to the minister. "My friend is sleeping with your wife right now, so he asked me to keep you occupied."
The minister thinks for a minute, smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Joe's shoulder and says, "You better hurry home now. My wife died a year ago."