Thursday, August 20, 2015

Greetings Laff Lovers,

I guess it was only a matter of time, but they have finally come out with a Viagra equivalent for women.

That's right, ladies, no more dry, pasty pussy. One little pill and you'll be droolin' for a doodlin'. Nymphomania in a bottle, more or less.

I was watching a program about it on TV and they had a woman on who was talking about how important this is for some women, like herself, who just have trouble getting aroused.

As she was yammering on about how her pussy is as useless as an empty banana peel I noticed something flashing in her mouth. Leaning forward and squinting at the screen I finally saw that her tongue was pierced with a stud!

"There's your problem, right there!" I said aloud.

"What's the problem?" my 14-year-old son asked from the kitchen table.

"Nothing, nothing," I said, brushing him off. He's still a little young to be learning about genital piercings.

But if that frigid floozy wants to irrigate her valley she should start with moving that stud from her mouth to her pussy. She's not going to get aroused by stimulating the roof of her mouth when that hard, slick, surgical steel could be rubbing against her pink pearl all day!

Sheesh, I should have been a sex therapist.

Stimulatingly,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

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"For a lot of children, the party known as summer is over today. Don't worry, kids. School will end eventually and then you'll get to go to a different kind of school called work, and it only ends when you get old and die." -Jimmy Kimmel



A Baptist pastor was presenting a children's sermon. During the sermon, he asked the children if they knew what the resurrection was.

Now, asking questions during children's sermons is crucial, but at the same time, asking children questions in front of a congregation can also be very dangerous. Having asked the children if they knew the meaning of the resurrection, a little boy raised his hand...

The pastor called on him and the little boy said, "I'm not sure, but I know that if you have a resurrection that lasts more than four hours you are supposed to call the doctor."



"A New Jersey restaurant is offering a special menu this month that doesn't list prices, but instead asks customers to pay what they think is fair. According to the sign in the window, the restaurant is called 'This Space for Rent.'" -Seth Meyers



On his 74th birthday, a man got a gift certificate from his wife. The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction.

After being persuaded, he drove to the reservation, handed his ticket to the medicine man, and wondered what he was in for. The old man handed a potion to him, and with a grip on his shoulder warned, "This is a powerful medicine. You take only a teaspoonful and then say '1-2-3.' When you do, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform as long as you want."

The man was encouraged. As he walked away, he turned and asked, "How do I stop the medicine from working?"

"Your partner must say 1-2-3-4," he responded, "but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon."

He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom. When she came in, he took off his clothes and said, '1-2-3' and Immediately, he was the manliest of men.

His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes, and then she asked, "What was the 1-2-3 for?"

And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle.