Thursday, December 29, 2011

Greetings Laff Lovers,

Lewis had just finished telling me how smart pigs are.

"Maybe that's why we're not supposed to eat them," I said.

He said, "Trichinosis is probably the main reason."

"I don't know," I said. "I wouldn't want to eat any smart animal. Would you eat an ape?"

He said, "No. Too much like eating my cousin. How about you?"

"I guess it would depend on how good looking your cousin is."

Sentiently,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

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When we brought our new-born son to the pediatrician for his first checkup, the doctor said, "You have such a cute baby."

Smiling, I said, "I'll bet you say that to all the new parents."

"No," he admitted, "just to those whose babies are really cute."

"So what do you say to the others?" I asked.

"He looks just like you."



After experiencing the discomfort and embarrassment of a colonoscopy in Alabama, I decided to have my next one carried out while visiting friends in San Francisco, where the beautiful nurses are allegedly much more gentle and accommodating.

As I lay naked on my side on the table, the gorgeous nurse began my procedure.

"Don't worry, at this stage of the procedure it's quite normal to get an erection," the nurse told me.

"I haven't got an erection," I replied.

"No, but I have," replied the nurse.



A newly-married couple show up at a hotel and ask for the honeymoon suite.

"Do you have reservations?" inquires the receptionist.

"Only one," replies the groom. "She won't take it up the ass."



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Safe Sex Options

These days, safe sex isn't just a good idea, it's a matter of life and death. Here are some valuable tips to help you "play it safe":

- Do not blow dealers for crack; blow regular citizens for cash, then buy the crack directly.

- Think about parents' nude bodies during foreplay; resultant loss of erection will prevent potential unsafe sex.

- Don't fall for lines like, "God protects his servants in the clergy from harm."

- Do not, no matter how much peers may pressure you, allow anyone to get to third base with you.

- Make sure all open sores on penis have thoroughly dried and scabbed over before use.

- When taking four cocks in the ass, make sure to have an equal amount of cock in your mouth to reduce the risk of CHI imbalance.

- Before fellating anonymous man in back room of bar, be sure to ask, "You don't have AIDS, do you?"

- Douse penis liberally with D-Con roach spray before penetrating ape.

- You CAN get it from kissing -- tear out partner's tongue before any mouth-to-mouth contact.

- To prevent radiation exposure, use only lead-based condoms.

- If you must engage in unsafe sex, take time out beforehand to hope for the best.