Thursday, March 10, 2016
Greetings Laff Lovers,
My wife had a stiff neck for several days. I repeatedly told her to see a quack but she refused. "It'll get better eventually," was her refrain.
On the eighth night of her stiff neck I made love to her because my balls were filling up to the point that my scrotum had sunk to between my knees. In the morning I asked her how her neck was.
"Much better!" she smiled. "Maybe I just needed a little lovin' to release some of those natural endorphins."
I said, "Either that or your head bouncing off the headboard for three minutes did the trick."
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Guys are like buses...if you miss one, another will be along soon.
Girls are like buses too...sometimes you just need one for a quick ride.
A guy checks into a hotel in Vegas on a business trip and starts to feel a bit lonely so he decides to get a call girl. So he picks up the phone and calls the number he got from the cab driver.
"Hello?" the woman says.
"Hi, are you nasty? I want real nasty girl. I want it hard and fast. I'm talking kink all night. You name it we'll do it. Bring equiptment, bring toys. You do me and I'll do you--all night. Tie me up, wear a strap on, cover me in anything. How does that sound?"
She says, "Umm, Sir? For an outside line you need to press 9."
I was walking up to my apartment building today and saw my Afghani neighbor, Abdul, standing on his fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.
I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?"
Bob a young journalism graduate from Tennessee had gone to work for the New York Times. His first assignment was to write a brief human interest story. An idea came to Bob and he returned to one of the most remote areas he knew of in his home state of Arkansas. Deep in the woods, Bob came upon a farmer's house and decided this would be a good place to start. He introduced himself to the back country farmer and explained why he was there. The farmer (named Farmer Dick) agreed to answer his questions. Bob asked Farmer Dick what event in his life had made him the happiest? Farmer Dick replied, "One time a neighbor lost one of his sheep. We all formed a posse and found it. After we all had sex with it, we took it back to the farmer that lost it."
"I can't print that," said Bob, the reporter. "Is there another event that made you really happy?"
Farmer Dick thought for a minute and said, "Yep. One time the daughter of another local farmer got lost. She was a good-lookin' young girl. We all formed a posse and found her. After all of us had sex with her, we took her back to her daddy."
Again Bob knew he couldn't print the story and decided to take a different tack. He asked Farmer Dick, "Is there any event in your life that has made you really sad?"
Farmer Dick hung his head and replied, "Well, I got lost once."