Thursday, July 18, 2013Greetings Laff Lovers,
"What's with you women," I said to the one in the break room as she attempted to re-adjust her low-cut V-neck to cover her cleavage. "Why wear that if you are going to be constantly trying to cover up what that top is designed to expose?"
She's young, hot and not that smart so she only managed a shrug and mumbled, "I dunno."
Encouraged by her not telling me to go fuck myself I continued, "And why is it that every woman I've ever talked out of her pants insisted on having the lights off? I mean, they can't all have been shy."
"Uh duh," she said making the universal sound meaning 'how stupid can you be'. They weren't shy, TZ. They just couldn't handle seeing you on top of them humping away."
I was silent for a moment. Then I said, "Who you been talking to? You been talking to my wife? I'll have you know I look better naked than I do with clothes on..."
And she just kept on walking away shaking her head.
It-can't-be-ly,
TZ
Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link:
tz@gophercentral.comP.S.
EVTV1 is back and better than ever! This video portal was created to weed through the online clutter to bring you the best animal video clips...funniest videos...most popular...PLUS the most unusual. New videos are added daily!
"Researchers studying pictures of prehistoric cave drawings now theorize that most of the drawings were done by people under the influence of mind-altering drugs. Hence the term 'stone age.'" -Jay Leno
The wife and I were sitting around the breakfast table one lazy Sunday morning.
I said to her, "If I were to die suddenly, I want you to immediately sell all my stuff."
"Now why would you want me to do something like that?" she asked.
"I figure that you would eventually remarry and I don't want some other asshole using my stuff."
She looked at me and said: "What makes you think I'd marry another asshole?"
"There was a guy caught on the Mexican border with $128,000 in his socks. The guy is kind of stupid, though. The Border Patrol asked, 'Why did you stick all the money in your socks?' He said, 'Because I'm using my rectum for drugs.'" -Craig Ferguson
Two Rednecks, Larry and Doug, are sitting at their favorite bar, drinking beer. Larry turns to Doug and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through life without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the Community College and sign up for some classes."
Doug thinks it's a good idea and the two leave. The next day, Larry goes down to the college and meets Dean of Admissions, who signs him up for the four basic classes: Math, English, History, and Logic.
"Logic?" Larry says. "What's that?"
The dean says, "I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?"
"Yeah."
"Then logically speaking, because you own a weed eater, I think that you would have a yard."
"That's true, I do have a yard."
"I'm not done," the dean says. "Because you have a yard, I think logically that you would have a house."
"Yes, I do have a house."
"And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a family."
"Yep, I have a family alright."
"I'm not done yet.. Because you have a family, then logically you must have a wife. And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you must be a heterosexual."
"I am a heterosexual! That's amazing, you were able to find out all of that because I have a weed eater."
Excited to take the class now, Larry shakes the Dean's hand and leaves to go meet Doug at the bar. He tells Doug about his classes, how he is signed up for Math, English, History, and Logic.
"Logic?" Doug says, "What's that?"
Larry says, "I'll give you an example. Do you have a weed eater?"
"Nope."
"Yer a homo, ain't ya?"