Monday, June 3, 2013Greetings Laff Lovers,
My yard is starting to look like crap. I guess I just don't have that green thumb. I've tried replanting a few shrubs and doing some trimming, but it always ends up looking like Michael J. Fox did it.
So last weekend I was over at my brother's place and as we were relaxing on the back patio I was admiring his one acre backyard. The entire patio is skirted by a lush, well-trimmed hedge, and at the end of a thick, immaculate carpet of lawn there is a small thicket of decorative trees, intermixed with a few fruit trees, each with a perfect circle of mulch around the base, all carefully arranged to give the impression of ordered randomness.
I asked him how he manages to keep everything looking so perfect.
"Easy," he answered. "I have a Mexican guy who comes over every Saturday with a truck full of tools and pretty much takes care of anything I need. Last week he helped me plant that new pear tree over there."
"That must cost a fortune!" I said.
"Not really. He charges me ten bucks an hour."
"Ten bucks?!"
"Mmmm hmmm. Cash."
"Uuuh...can I borrow your Mexican?"
Equal Opportunistically,
TZ
Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link:
tz@gophercentral.comP.S.
EVTV1 is back and better than ever! This video portal was created to weed through the online clutter to bring you the best animal video clips...funniest videos...most popular...PLUS the most unusual. New videos are added daily!
"A 60-year-old woman in China just gave birth to twins. She says she's going to use cloth diapers because she finds the disposable ones a little uncomfortable." -Jimmy Fallon
A friend and I were watching a film when a character called another a nymphomaniac.
"What's that mean?" she asked.
"It's a female who's addicted to sex," I answered.
"What do they call males who are addicted to sex?"
"Men."
After giving birth, I quit my job. The exit questionnaire asked, "What steps would have prevented you from leaving?"
My answer: "Birth control."
"Are you all right?" my seatmate on the plane asked, after noticing tears roll down my cheeks.
"I'm flying my husband's ashes to Michigan for burial," I explained, "and it just struck me that this will be our last trip together."
"I know how you feel," she said.
"I had my horse for 20 years and just put him to sleep last week."