Sunday, May 1, 2016
Greetings Laff Lovers,
The wife and I were sitting around the breakfast table this morning when I got in one of those maudlin moods.
I said to her, "If I were to die suddenly, I want you to immediately sell all my stuff."
"Now why would you want me to do something like that?" she asked.
"I figure that you would eventually remarry and I don't want some other asshole using my stuff."
She looked at me and said: "What makes you think I'd marry another asshole?"
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My wife has been missing a week now. The police said to prepare for the worst. So, I had to go down to Goodwill to get all of her clothes back.
The phone rang. Startled at getting a call so late, the woman picked it up.
She heard heavy breathing, and then a hoarse voice whispered in her ear, "I bet you have a tight ass with no hair."
"Why, yeah," the woman said. "He's drinking beer and watching TV. Who shall I say is calling?"
I bought a cute girl a drink at a bar, and she ended up giving it to her boyfriend. At first I was pissed, but it was funny watching him drink that roofie.
When my wife came home yesterday afternoon to find the kitchen and living room a mess, the laundry still in a pile by the washer and me on the couch having done nothing but eat chips and watch TV all afternoon.
She shook her finger at me, "You better watch this lazy attitude you've had lately, mister, or you're gonna to make me do something I'll regret!"
"Wow," I thought, "I can't believe I'm going to get a blowjob out of this."