Thursday, June 21, 2012

Greetings Laff Lovers,

I went to my dentist yesterday and while he had both hands in my mouth up to his wrists he was telling me about how he drives ninety minutes, one way, every weekend to cut his brother-in-law's acre-sized lawn while he is out of town for an extended period.

"Ow wong ab ou een a endist?" I asked with the sucky tube in my mouth.

"Oh, going on twenty-five years, now."

"An you shill cud your bruffer-in-wa's wawn?" I asked.

"Oh, I don't mind. It makes my wife happy that we can help him out."

"Oc," I pointed out, "at's ut Gog reated exicans or."

Helpfully,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

P.S. Are you on Facebook? If you are, check out the Deal of the Day fan page. You get exclusive offers and a new deal every day. It is easy to become a fan, just click here and hit the like button... 'Like' Deal of the Day Here



"A casino in South Dakota was robbed by a man dressed as a mummy. The police described the suspect as anywhere between 25 and 8,000 years old." -Craig Ferguson



When his son refused to get a job, his father insisted he join the Army. At the induction physical, the Army doctor directed the reluctant recruit to read the eye chart across the room. "What chart?" the young man asked.

"The one on the wall! "The doctor said.

"What wall?"

Sensing he had a deadbeat on his hands, the doctor asked his beautiful, 24-year-old nurse to unbutton a few buttons on her uniform and walk in. "What do you see now?"

"Nothing."

"Well, you may not see anything," the doctor said," but your indicator is pointing toward Ft. Jackson! Welcome to the Army son."



A man and his wife are watching the boxing on TV. The husband sighs and says, "Man, what a rip off! It was all over in three minutes!"

The wife mutters, "Now you know how I feel."



*** THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZ ***
It's Available. THE Laffaday Book... Check it out, it's 91 cents! (plus s&h). For more info or to order visit: THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZ



Fishing or Fucking....

#19 - No matter how much whiskey you've had, you can still Fish.

#18 - You don't have to hide your Fishing magazines.

#17 - It is perfectly acceptable to pay a professional to Fish with you once in a while.

#16 - The Ten Commandments don't say anything against Fishing.

#15 - If your partner takes pictures or videotapes of you Fishing, you don't have to worry about them showing up on the Internet if you become famous.

#14 - Your Fishing partner doesn't get upset about people you fished with long ago.

#13 - It's perfectly respectable to Fish with a total stranger.

#12 - When you see a really good Fishing person, you don't have to feel guilty about imagining the two of you Fishing together.

#11 - If your regular Fishing partner isn't available, he/she won't object if you Fish with someone else.

#10 - Nobody will ever tell you that you will go blind if you Fish by yourself.

#9 - When dealing with a Fishing pro, you never have to wonder if they are really an undercover cop.

#8 - You don't have to go to a sleazy shop in a seedy neighborhood to buy Fishing stuff.

#7 - You can have a Fishing calendar on your wall at the office, tell Fishing jokes, and invite coworkers to Fish with you without getting sued for Fishing harassment.

#6 - There are no Fishing-transmitted diseases.

#5 - If you want to watch Fishing on television, you don't have to subscribe to the Playboy channel.

#4 - Nobody expects you to Fish with the same partner for the rest of your life.

#3 - Nobody expects you to give up Fishing if your partner loses interest in it.

#2 - You don't have to be a newlywed to plan a vacation primarily to enjoy your favorite activity.

#1 - Your Fishing partner will never say, "Not again? We just Fished last week! Is Fishing all you ever think about?