Monday, July 14, 2014

Greetings Laff Lovers,

I hobbled into the office all hunched over and in pain.

"What happened, TZ?" Marzee, the editor of our Daily Recipe list asked.

"I blew out my back."

"Oh, you poor dear!" she said empathetically while hurrying over to lend me a hand. "How?"

"Well, I was showing my wife how I wanted her to put her ankles when we make love, and kablooey, searing pain... You know, the first ankle went behind my head pretty easily. It was the second one that did me in."

"I know," she said, nodding her head understandingly.

Demonstratingly,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

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"On this date in 1804, Aaron Burr had a duel with Vice President Alexander Hamilton. Aaron Burr killed Alexander Hamilton and got off scot-free. Later he was convicted for stealing sports memorabilia." -Dave Letterman



"As an adolescent I aspired to lasting fame, I craved factual certainty, and I thirsted for a meaningful vision of human life--so I became a scientist. This is like becoming an archbishop so you can meet girls." --Matt Cartmill



I was reading an article last night about fathers and daughters and memories came flooding back of the time I took my daughter out for her first pint.

Off we went to our local pub which is only two blocks from the house. I got her a Fosters. She didn't like it...so I had it.

Then I got her a Carling Black Label, she didn't like it... so I had it.

It was the same with the 1664 Lager and Premium Dry Cider. By the time we got down to the Scotch I could hardly push the stroller back home.



Here are 10 of the finest (unintentional) double-entendres ever aired on British TV and radio...

1) Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator:

"And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!"

2) New Zealand Rugby Commentator:

"Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him."

3) Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator:

"This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother."

4) Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977:

"Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the cox of the Oxford crew."

5) US PGA Com mentator:

"One of the reasons Arnie [Arnold Palmer] is playing so well is that before each tee shot his wife takes out his balls and kisses them. Oh my god!! What have I just said?"

6) A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked:

"So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?"

7) Steve Ryder covering the US Masters:

"Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69 yesterday."

8) Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said:

"There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this."

9) Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports:

"Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets."

10) Michael Buerk on watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked:

"They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts."