Monday, March 10, 2014

Greetings Laff Lovers,

It was a busy weekend.

Hours spent avoiding the in-laws: 4

Children beaten: 2

Hours of television: 8

Hours spent doing chores for the wife: 2

Orgasms: 2

Orgasms with the wife: 0

Industriously,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

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"The captain of the crashed cruise ship Costa Concordia went back to the wreck for the first time since the accident. Said the captain, 'It looks so different sober.'" -Seth Meyers



When the surgeon came to see his blonde patient on the day after her operation, she asked him somewhat hesitantly just how long it would be before she could resume her sex life.

"Uh, I hadn't really thought about it," replied the stunned surgeon. "You're the first one ever to ask that after a tonsillectomy."



"This week the Russian government gave all 44 of its Olympic medalists a new Mercedes. When asked what happened to the athletes who didn't medal, Putin said, 'Do not open trunk.'" -Jimmy Fallon



A small West Virginia Wild Animal Park had acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks, the female gorilla became very horny, and difficult to handle. Upon examination, the park veterinarian determined the problem: The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there were no male gorillas of her species available.

While reflecting on their problem, the park administrators noticed Ed, a part-time redneck intern, responsible for cleaning the animals' cages. Ed, like most rednecks, had little sense, but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of ANY species.

So, the park administrators thought they might have a solution. Ed was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to have sex with the gorilla for $100?

Ed showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. The following day, Ed announced that he would accept their offer, but only under three conditions.

"First," he said, "I don't want to have to kiss the gorilla."

"Second, you must never tell anyone about this."

The park administration quickly agreed to these conditions, so they asked what was his third condition.

Ed stated, "You gotta give me another week to come up with the hundred bucks."