Thursday, October 14, 2010
Greetings Laff Lovers,
The in-laws have been staying at our house since the week-
end, but they're leaving tomorrow, so I have decided to
postpone my preparations for ritual suicide.
It hasn't been easy. Just last night, as the wife and I
were in bed trying to get to sleep we heard the unmistakable
squeaking coming from the guest bedroom.
I have to admit, despite myself I was impressed the leathery
old codger could get it up (especially considering his
toothless, 'gator wrasslin' wife).
I said to the wife, "Do you think I'll be that feisty when
I'm 70?"
She rolled over and put her pillow over her head, "You're
not even that feisty now."
Deflatedly,
TZ
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"The Greatest Happiness is to scatter your enemy and drive
him before you. To see his cities reduced to ashes. To see
those who love him shrouded and in tears. And to gather to
your bosom his wives and daughters." --Genghis Khan
Maurie was not having a good day on the golf course. After he
missed a twelve inch putt, his partner asked him what the
problem was.
"It's the wife," said Maurie. "As you know, she's taken up
golf, and since she's been playing she's cut my sex down to
once a week."
"Well you should think yourself lucky," said his partner,
"she's cut some of us out altogether."
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"The majority never has right on its side. Never, I say! That
is one of the social lies that a free, thinking man is bound
to rebel against. Who makes up the majority in any given
country? Is it the wise men or the fools? I think we must
agree that the fools are in a terrible overwhelming majority,
all the wide world over. But, damn it, it can surely never
be right that the stupid should rule over the clever!
--Henrik Ibsen (1828-1906), An Enemy of the People
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Two Rednecks, Larry and Doug, are sitting at their favorite
bar, drinking beer. Larry turns to Doug and says, "You know,
I'm tired of going through life without an education.
Tomorrow I think I'll go to the Community College and sign
up for some classes."
Doug thinks it's a good idea and the two leave. The next day,
Larry goes down to the college and meets Dean of Admissions,
who signs him up for the four basic classes: Math, English,
History, and Logic.
"Logic?" Larry says. "What's that?"
The dean says, "I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed
eater?"
"Yeah."
"Then logically speaking, because you own a weed eater, I
think that you would have a yard."
"That's true, I do have a yard."
"I'm not done," the dean says. "Because you have a yard, I
think logically that you would have a house."
"Yes, I do have a house."
"And because you have a house, I think that you might
logically have a family."
"Yep, I have a family alright."
"I'm not done yet.. Because you have a family, then
logically you must have a wife. And because you have a wife,
then logic tells me you must be a heterosexual."
"I am a heterosexual! That's amazing, you were able to find
out all of that because I have a weed eater."
Excited to take the class now, Larry shakes the Dean's hand
and leaves to go meet Doug at the bar. He tells Doug about
his classes, how he is signed up for Math, English, History,
and Logic.
"Logic?" Doug says, "What's that?"
Larry says, "I'll give you an example. Do you have a weed
eater?"
"Nope."
"Yer a homo, ain't ya?"
Email TZ at: mailto:tz@laffaday.com