Monday, April 11, 2011
Greetings Laff Lovers,
Some stiff I know was on the phone telling me that the major
problem nowadays is information overload. His theory sounded
reasonable, and I figured if I agreed with him enough then he
would put me out of my misery by letting me get off the phone.
"I'm glad it makes sense to you, TZ," he spoke at lightning
pace. "I just emailed you the research that should solidify
the idea in your head."
I opened the email, and attached was a twelve page document in
small print. Before I knew what was happening I heard myself
say, "Are you fucking kidding me? You just explained to me how
'information overload' is creating an apathetic world and now
you want me to read this shit? Send it to me when the
Cliff Notes are available, OK?"
Overloadedly,
TZ
Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in
your family at this link: mailto:tz@gophercentral.com
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"If Congress can't agree on a budget by midnight Friday,
the government will shut down. Democrats are demanding to
tax all of the people's money and use it to fund abortions,
while the Republicans want to sell the country to Exxon
Mobile and relocate gays to Puerto Rico." -Jimmy Kimmel
A salesman was testifying in his divorce proceedings against
his wife."Please describe," said his attorney, "the incident
that first caused you to entertain suspicions as to your
wife's infidelity."
"Well, I'm pretty much on the road all week," the man test-
ified. "So naturally when I am home, I'm attentive to the
wife." One Sunday morning," he continued, "we were in the
midst of some pretty heavy lovemaking when the old lady in
the apartment next door pounded on the wall and yelled,
'Can't you at least stop all that racket on the weekends?'"
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"Disney is set to begin construction on a Disneyland in
China. This one will be built for children, by children."
-Conan O'Brien
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*** THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZ ***
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Reasons To Like Beer by 7-Year-Olds
A handful of 7 year old children were asked, 'what they
thought of beer.' Some interesting responses, but the last
one is especially touching.
7-year-old Tim- 'I think beer must be good. My dad says the
more beer he drinks the prettier my mom gets.'
7-year-old Melanie - 'Beer makes my dad sleepy and we get
to watch what we want on television when he is asleep, so
beer is nice.
7-year-old Grady - 'My Mom and Dad both like beer. My Mom
gets funny when she drinks it and takes her top off at
parties, but Dad doesn't think this is very funny.'
7-year-old Toby - 'My Mom and Dad talk funny when they drink
beer and The more they drink the more they give kisses to
each other, which is a good thing.'
7-year-old Sarah - 'My Dad gets funny on beer. He is funny.
He also wets his pants sometimes, so he shouldn't have too
much.
7-year-old Lilly - 'My Dad loves beer. The more he drinks,
the better he dances. One time he danced right into the pool.'
7-year-old Ethan - 'I don't like beer very much. Every time
Dad drinks it, he burns the sausages on the barbecue and they
taste disgusting.'
7-year-old Shirley - 'I give Dad's beer to the dog and he
goes to sleep.'
7-year-old Jack - 'My Mom drinks beer and she says silly
things and picks on my father. Whenever she drinks beer
she yells at Dad and tells him to go bury his bone down the
street again, but that doesn't make any sense.'
Email TZ at: mailto:tz@laffaday.com