Thursday, December 18, 2014

Greetings Laff Lovers,

It seems like everybody is gearing up for Christmas. Me? I'm already over it. I get burned out on the holidays fast. It's not that I'm a Scrooge, but Christmas has lost its meaning and what's left is hardly worth celebrating.

Is Christmas about Jesus or is it about maxing out your credit card? You know, it doesn't matter whether you believe he was the son of God or not. He is still an extremely important historical figure.

For example, if it weren't for Jesus do you know how many Mexicans would be walking around today without a name?

Celebratingly,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

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"A Salvation Army bell ringer in Virginia was injured when an 87-year-old man accidentally ran him over. He was taken to the hospital once the applause died down." -Seth Meyers



What's the difference between an epileptic oyster and a prostitute with Irritable Bowel Syndrome?

Well, one you have to shuck between fits.

[Thanks to Stephen Schiller who gave me my first solid laugh all week.]



THIS IS A FRIGHTENING STATISTIC, PROBABLY ONE OF THE MOST WORRYSOME IN RECENT YEARS.

25 percent of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness.

That's scary.

It means 75 percent are running around untreated!



A Catholic buddy of mine was telling me about his recent trip to confession.

"It was surreal," he said. "I went into the confessional and said, 'forgive me father for I have sinned. It's been two weeks since my last confession and in that time I've been impatient with my wife and children.'

The priest issued a penance of 5 Our Fathers and absolved me. I was so shocked," he said, "that I blurted, 'Wow, Father, that's a nice, light penance.'

The priest said, "Well, it's not like you were butt-fucking.'"