Thursday, November 7, 2013

Greetings Laff Lovers,

We had a couple of stiffs from our insurance company come in yesterday to explain the changes that will be implemented with the Affordable Care Act next year.

I didn't understand a lot of it, but what I did come away with was that all coverage, no matter who is being covered, will include certain basic procedures such as mammograms, Pabst smears, birth control prescriptions, prostrate exams and colonoscopies.

Now, I am not opposed to any of these things, but I am not sure why I need to be covered for mammograms and Pabst smears. But if I have to pay for them I am going to use them.

To be honest, I think I might even enjoy a mammogram, especially if the technician is hot. If I paid a little more wonder if she would wear a black, leather bustier and call me nasty names while squeezing my boob in the machine.

Fetishly,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

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A young man asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there?"

The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm.

In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions."

"Onions?"

"Yes, see them and they make you cry."



A young woman asks her mother, "Mom, how many kind of penises are there?"

The mother, surprised, answers, "Well, daughter, a man goes through three phases. In a man's twenties, a man's penis is like an oak, mighty and hard.

In his thirties and forties, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree."

"A Christmas tree?"

"Yes, dried up and the balls are there for decoration only."



Beer Vs. Pussy (continued from Monday)

With beer, bigger is better.
Advantage: beer.

Wearing a condom does not make a beer any less enjoyable.
Advantage: beer.

Pussy can make you see God.
Beer can make you see the porcelain god.
Advantage: Pussy

If you think all day about the next pussy you will have, you are normal.
If you think all day about your next beer, you are an alcoholic.
Advantage: Pussy

Peeling labels off of beers is fun.
Peeling panties off of pussy is more fun.
Advantage: Pussy.

If you try to snag a beer at work, you get fired.
If you try to snag a pussy at work, you get hit with sexual
harassment.
Advantage: Pussy

If you suddenly drop a beer, it may break.
If you suddenly drop a pussy, it may hunt you down like the dog you are.
Advantage: Beer.

If you change to another beer, your old brand will gladly have you back.
Advantage: beer.

The best pussy you have ever had is not gone once you have enjoyed it.
Advantage: Pussy.

The worst pussy you have ever had is not gone once you have enjoyed it.
Advantage: Beer.

Bad beer: Schlitz, Pabst Blue Ribbon, Old Swill.
Bad pussy: Roseanne, Janet Reno, Hillary Clinton.
Advantage: Tie

Good beer: Sam Adams, Moosehead, Pete's Wicked Winter Brew.
Good pussy: Almost all but the above.
Advantage: Pussy.

The government taxes beer.
Advantage: Pussy.

It's a close call, but the numbers never lie.
Advantage: Pussy.