Sunday, December 27, 2015
Greetings Laff Lovers,
Is it over? I'm writing this ahead of time so I really don't know what kind of carnage took place over the last couple of days.
Of course, New Year's Eve is still coming up. My wife has been trying to convince me to stop at a couple of parties, but if I have my way we'll be sitting safe and sound at home to ring in the new year.
So, I'll let you know how the parties go next week.
Deliberately,
TZ
Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link:
tz@gophercentral.com
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Q. What is the definition of Blood, Sweat and Tears?
A. A blonde on her period standing in front of a tampon machine with a bent quarter.
A man and a woman were going at it on the sofa when the phone rang.
"Who was that?" the guy asked.
"My husband," she replied.
"Damn, I better get going then," the guy said. "Where was he when he phoned?"
"You can relax," said the woman. "He's downtown playing poker with you."
I love to read those advice columns in the newspaper. I read one this morning. It said, "What's the worst thing a wife can get on her twenty fifth wedding anniversary?"
"Morning Sickness."
New Living Will Form
I, _________________________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means.
Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it or lawyers/doctors interested in simply running up the bills. If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to ask for at least one of the following:
______a Bloody Mary,
______a Margarita
______a Manhattan
______a Martini
______a beer
______a Vodka and Tonic
______a Steak
______Lobster or crab legs
______The remote control,
_____ Chocolate
______Sex
it should be presumed that I won't ever get better. When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and call it a day.