Monday, December 12, 2011

Greetings Laff Lovers,

I wish I weren't addicted to good coffee. It would save me a lot of time and a lot of money. Recently I picked up a coffee brewing "kit" that is similar to a French press. It is supposed to produce an awesome cup of coffee but it takes a very carefully calculated combination of factors to get the brew to come out perfect.

A combination which I haven't figured out yet.

So I brought it home over the weekend (I have been using it at the office instead of the mud they make in the break room) and spent a significant portion of Saturday morning experimenting with different volumes and steeping times.

After my second hour and fourth cup my wife finally confronted me. "TZ, you are paying more attention to that stupid coffee maker than you are to me! The weekend is the only time we get to spend any quality time and you're ignoring me. Aren't I more important than a stupid cup of coffee?"

"Of course, Sweetheart, but you know how sometimes my erections aren't what they used to be? Well, this Indian doctor told me that caffeine stimulates blood flow to the penis, so if you still want the high hard one I'd indulge me while I figure this out."

"Well, Honey, it ain't working, so why don't you try it as an enema?"

Not likely,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

P.S. Are you still Christmas shopping? There is still time to order online. We have a huge selection of merchandise available at big, big discounts, like the incredibly popular Comfy Jeans you have been seeing on TV. Look for them advertised at the bottom of this page!



"A group of Florida grandmothers posed nude for a calendar to help raise money for charity. The charity was the 'Wish We Were Blind Society.'" -Conan O'Brien



Went to a nice, local restaurant/bar with my girlfriend last night. But the regulars were shouting "pedophile!" and other terrible names at me, just because my girlfriend is 21 and I'm 50.

It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.



"Inductees for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame were announced. The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is just like the Baseball Hall of Fame, but with less drug use. And more Satan." -Craig Ferguson



*** THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZ ***
It's Available. THE Laffaday Book... Check it out, it's 91 cents! (plus s&h). For more info or to order visit: THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZ



A married couple had been out shopping at the mall for most of the afternoon.

Suddenly, the wife realized that her husband had "disappeared".

The somewhat irate spouse called her mate's cell phone and demanded: "Where the hell are you?"

Husband: "Darling, you remember that Jewellery shop where you saw the diamond necklace and totally fell in love with it and I didn't have money that time and said, 'Baby, it'll be yours one day'?"

Wife, with a smile, blushing: "Yes I remember that, my love."

Husband, "Well, I'm in the Pub next to that shop."