Monday, May 12, 2014

Greetings Laff Lovers,

It's finally starting to look like spring outside, which means any weekend now the wife is going to start giving me outside projects to do. Clean the gutters, edge the lawn, all that shit.

I suppose I could distract her for a few more weekends with marathons of sweaty, sticky, circus-sex leaving her too sore and exhausted to think about anything other than sitting in a bath of warm water.

Which means I should probably figure out where I stored that edger.

Incapably,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

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This girl I met last week says she wants a guy who is "funny and spontaneous."

But when I tapped on her kitchen window late at night dressed up as a clown it's all panic and screaming.



A distraught man made an appointment with a counselor.

"I was out of town on business," he told the doctor," and I left a message for my wife that I would be coming home on Tuesday, instead of Wednesday. When I got in I went straight home and when I got there I found her in bed with my best friend!"

The man then broke down into uncontrollable tears.

The doctor considered the problem and said, "Ok, let's relax and approach the problem logically. Maybe she never got your telegram!"



It is only when you notice a mosquito has landed on your testicles that you realize there is always some way to solve a problem without using violence.



5 Kinds of Sex

1) The first is Smurf Sex. This happens during the honeymoon period; you both keep doing it until you're blue in the face.

2) The second is Kitchen Sex. This is at the beginning of the marriage; you'll have sex anywhere, anytime, even in the kitchen.

3) The third kind is Bedroom Sex. You've calmed down a bit, perhaps have kids, so you gotta do it in the bedroom.

4) The fourth kind is Hallway Sex. This is the phase in which you pass each other in the hallway and say, "Fuck you!"

5) There is also a fifth kind of sex: Courtroom Sex. This is when you get divorced and your wife screws you in front of everyone in the courtroom.