Monday, September 5, 2011

Greetings Laff Lovers,

I have a small office in the basement of our house. I keep it locked so that the kids don't go in there and mess it up, but they always find the key and raid the stash of candy I have hidden in the filing cabinet. At least they don't really mess with anything else in there though.

I went down there yesterday to get a sleeve of golf balls, and lo and behold, the desk was cleared and the room was organized.

"Fuck," escaped my lips before any other thought materialized.

A year's worth of paperwork and stuff just vanished. I went upstairs to ask the wife about it and she said the room was beginning to bother her.

"Why?" I asked. "You're only ever in there for 30 seconds here or there. It's not like it's in plain view."

"But I know it's there--those piles of paid bills, the receipts, the bank statements...it calls to me. So I just put them in a big pile in the drawer." she said.

"My balls call to you too, but I don't see you rushing to give them a good scrubbing. Just for this violation of my personal space I think you should toss my salad tonight."

She looked at me with a puzzled expression. "Is that the butt licking thing?"

"That's right," I said. "And just to show you I'm a good sport I'll even shower first."

Considerately,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com


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I went to an extremely attractive female doctor today for my annual checkup. She told me that I had to quit masturbating.

I asked why. She said, "Because I am trying to examine you!"



"Employees at a pizzeria in Ireland were fired for watching porn on the job. Isn't that disgusting? Irish people trying to make pizza?" -Conan O'Brien



A blonde drops off a shirt at the cleaners... On the way out the door, the lady at the counter says "Come Again."

The blonde turns and says, "No, it's toothpaste this time you nosey bitch!"



*** THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZ ***
It's Available. THE Laffaday Book... Check it out, it's 91 cents! (plus s&h). For more info or to order visit: THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZ



ATTRACTION - the act of associating horniness with a particular person.

LOVE AT 1st SIGHT - what occurs when two extremely horny, but not entirely choosy people meet.

DATING - the process of spending enormous amounts of money, time, and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don't especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot less in the future.

BIRTH CONTROL - avoiding pregnancy through such tactics as swallowing special pills, inserting a diaphragm, using a condom, and dating repulsive men or spending time around children.

EASY - a term used to describe a woman who has the sexual morals of a man.

PRIG - a term used to describe a woman who wants to stay virgin until married.

EYE CONTACT - a method utilized by a single woman to communicate to a man that she is interested in him. Despite being advised to do so, many woman have difficulty looking a man directly in the eyes, not necessarily due to the shyness, but usually due to the fact that a woman's eyes are not located in her chest.

FRIEND - a member of the opposite sex in your acquaintance who has some flaw which makes sleeping with him/her totally unappealing.

INDIFFERENCE - a woman's feeling towards a man, which is interpreted by the man as "playing hard to get."

INTERESTING - a word a man uses to describe a woman who lets him do all the talking.

IRRITATING HABIT - what the endearing little qualities that initially attract two people to each other turn into after a few months together.

LAW OF RELATIVITY - how attractive a given person appears to be is directly proportional to how unattractive your date is.

NYMPHOMANIAC - a man's term for a woman who wants to have sex more often than he does.

FRIGID - a man's term for a woman who wants to have sex less often than he does, or who requires more foreplay than lifting her nightgown.

SOBER - condition in which it is almost impossible to fall in love.

NAG - a man's term for a woman who wants more from her life with him than just intercourse.