Thursday, November 19, 2015

Greetings Laff Lovers,

I have a dilemma. We have a toy lying around the office, it is a sample of a product we never picked up. It is called an Infrared Thermometer. It looks like a ray gun, but basically what it does is shoot a little red laser which takes the temperature of things from a distance.

The cubicle monkeys were playing with it. Pointing it at each other's asses and tits, you know, the kind of low brow humor that keeps them amused.

Later on, as I was coming back from the bathroom, I saw the thing abandoned on somebody's desk. Glancing around to make sure nobody was looking at me, I picked it up and started goofing around with it.

I was surprised that while the temperature on my clothes was about 85 degrees, the bare skin on my arm was only 90. That's when I got an idea I wish I never thought of.

Taking the thing into my office I closed the door and whipped out my johnson. I thought for sure my dick would be warmer than the back of my hand, but in my effort to take an accurate reading I held it on there a little too long.

I burned my dick with a laser!

Now the problem is; do I tell my wife what actually happened (I might have to prove it to her since the story is a bit unlikely), or do I just tell her I was smoking naked again.

Conflictedly,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

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"There is a new Barbie doll that is a high-tech interactive version of the toy. The Hello Barbie has more than 8,000 phrases she uses to keep up conversation with you. In order for it to work, you have to speak right into her breasts. For 37 years, women have been telling me not to do that." -James Corden



A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotchless panties in an attempt to spice up her dead sex-life. She puts them on, together with a short skirt and sits on the sofa opposite her husband.

At strategic moments she uncrosses her legs, enough times that her husband finally asks, "Are you wearing crotchless panties?"

"Y-e-s," she answers with a seductive smile.

"Thank God - I thought you were sitting on the cat."



"Friday was 'World Vasectomy Day.' Which meant that Saturday was Frozen Peas Day." -Seth Meyers



A teacher in a one-room schoolhouse arrives one morning to find a nice, red apple on her desk with a tag on it saying T.O.T.

Knowing that she had some not-so-nice pranksters in her class, she cautiously asked, "Can someone explain what TO.T. means?"

Mary in the front row raised her hand and explained, "It means, 'To Our Teacher.'"

The next morning the teacher finds a bigger and prettier apple than the day before. This time there is a tag with T.O.T.W.L. written on it.

She asks for an explanation for this note and little Johnny waves his hand to explain, "That means 'To Our Teacher With Love.'"

The next morning she arrives to find a great big watermelon sitting on her desk with a tag saying " F.U.C.K." Her jaw drops and she screams, "Who can explain this?"

Little Buckwheat in the back row raises his hand and says, "that means, 'From Us Coloured Kids.'"