Thursday, December 24, 2015

Greetings Laff Lovers,

Happy holidays, everyone. I hope you are all enjoying spending some quality time with kith and kin, if that's what you're into.

You know, it's funny; this is the one time of year when you are expected to not only spend time with, but ENJOY spending time with the very people you have been trying to avoid the rest of the year.

I guess I'm just lucky. My family's interest in me around the holidays is the same as it is the rest of the year... and that is how much money can they get out of me.

Festively,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

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If you're singing Christmas songs on your neighbor's lawn at night with your church group, it's called "caroling."

But if you're doing it alone with no pants on, it's called "drunk and disorderly."



Every December it was the same excruciating tradition. Our family would get up at the crack of dawn, go to a Christmas tree farm and tromp across acres of snow in search of the perfect tree. Hours later our feet would be freezing, but Mom would press on, convinced the tree of her dreams was "just up ahead."

One year I snapped. "Mom, face it. The perfect tree doesn't exist. It's like looking for a man. Just be satisfied if you can find one that isn't dead, doesn't have too many bald spots and is straight."



I love CHRISTMAS LIGHTS,
They remind me of some co-workers.
They all hang together, half of the fuckers don't work, and the ones that do aren't that bright.



I bet it was really tough being an Apostle of Jesus. What if you wanted a day off?

You ring up Jesus and say, "Jesus, I'm sick today, running a little fever and feeling congested so I won't be able to make it to today's sermon. What...? Say that again...? I'm healed?"