Monday, November 15, 2010
Greetings Laff Lovers,
I had a pretty tough weekend. Three cooped up kids constantly
fighting, a long 'honey-do' list and a million other normally
inconsequential incidents put me in a pretty constant state of
irritation. But what really started the weekend off badly was
what happened when I was making love to my wife on Friday night.
There we were, face to face, floating away on waves of passion.
A passion created by the trust and security of marriage and
shared parenthood. A relationship so old that I couldn't really
remember what life had been like before her. Floating...
Drifting... Feeling...
She smiled a truly content smile, sighed and opened her eyes.
"AAARRRGGGHHH!" she screamed.
I popped up shouting, "What? What's wrong?!"
"Oh, I'm sorry, TZ," she apologized. "I forgot it was you."
Substitutingly,
TZ
Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in
your family at this link: mailto:tz@gophercentral.com
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"A man in Kentucky cut off another man's beard and forced him
to eat it during a fight. In a related story, I'm staying the
heck out of Kentucky." -Conan O'Brien
A young couple on the brink of divorce visit a marriage
counsellor. The counsellor asks the wife what is the
problem.
She responds, "My husband suffers from premature
ejaculation."
The counsellor turns to her husband and inquires, "Is
that true?"
The husband replies, "Well, not exactly, it's her that
suffers not me."
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"By a vote of 5-2, the Georgia Supreme Court has ruled that
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the sex is consensual. Here's what makes matters worse:
Since it's Georgia, a lot of these 16-year-olds are still
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The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like
to express praise for answered prayers.
Pearl Hubbard stood up and walked to the podium. Looking
out at the congregation, she said, "I have a praise. Two
months ago, my husband Tom was in a terrible bicycle wreck
and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was ex-
cruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help
him."
Muffled gasps arose from the men in the pews as they
imagined the unbearable pain poor Tom must have experienced.
"Tom was unable to hold me or the children," Pearl slowly
continued. "Every move caused him terrible pain. We prayed
as the doctors performed a delicate operation to try to
repair the damage, and it turned out that they were able to
piece together the crushed remnants of Tom's scrotum and
wrap wire tightly around it to hold it in place."
The male congregants cringed and squirmed as they imagined
the horrible surgery Tom had to undergo.
"But now," Pearl announced in a quavering voice, "Thanks to
our prayers and the Lord, Tom is finally out of the hospital,
and the doctors say that with time his scrotum should recover
completely."
All the men sighed with unified relief. The pastor rose
with a pained look and tentatively asked if anyone else had
something to say.
A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium.
"Hi," he said, "I'm Tom Hubbard." The entire congregation
held its breath.
"I just wanted to tell my wife the word is "sternum."
Email TZ at: mailto:tz@laffaday.com