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Sunday, January 17, 2016

Greetings Laff Lovers,

I think I have finally figured out what "middle-aged" means. Some people will tell you that middle-age is when you hit 45. Others will say it's when your sex drive finally starts to flag, or when your hormones start to drop off, or when you start referring to anyone under 30 as "damn kids".

But I have realized that my middle-age is upon me because I suddenly seem to spend a lot more time thinking about the past than the future.

It used to be I was constantly looking ahead, planning, dreaming, anticipating. I had so many goals to achieve and inexhaustible ambition to do it with.

These days all I ever think about is what my life would have been like if I ran away with that stripper I went out with when I was 21.

That's normal, right?



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"New York City has begun converting old phone booths into free Wi-Fi stations, which means drunk new Yorkers will soon have the opportunity to urinate on a Wi-Fi station." -Stephen Colbert

A guy gets a call from the police telling him that his house was robbed. The offenders had also consumed all of his beer and had raped his wife.

A moment of silence passes, then the guy says, "I can't believe they fucked my wife after only five beers!"

"The Playboy Mansion is up for sale for $200 million. Yeah, you could own the house that was recently named the stickiest mansion in America." -James Corden

A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies. Suddenly, at 3 O'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.

The woman, sort of bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man, "Shit! That must be my husband!"

So the guy quickly got out of bed scared and naked, he grabbed his pants and jumped out the window like a crazy man. He smashed himself on the ground and rolled right through a thorn bush.

Two minutes later he storms back into the bedroom and screams at the woman, "What the hell are you trying to do to me? I'm your husband, you slut!"

The woman yelled back, "Yeah? Why were you running? You son of a bitch!"

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