Thursday, April 23, 2015

Greetings Laff Lovers,

Get this bullshit; that guy in California who tried to escape from sheriff's deputies on a stolen horse and got the shit kicked out of him just signed a $650,000 settlement with San Bernardino County, where the incident happened.

$650,000, and he walked away from that ass-kicking!

It pisses me off that I have wasted my life working (more or less) and NOT lying, cheating and stealing, and all I have to show for it is a mortgage, 3 ungrateful kids and a disappointed wife.

This guy in California has been in and out of jail, arrested three times, and is now being investigated for burglary. What does he get? $650,000.

I certainly don't believe that suspects, even if they are obviously guilty, deserve an ass-stomping by a bunch of neckless, storm trooper cops, but $650,000?

Granted, the horse-thief is still facing criminal charges, but now he can afford to hire a $100,000 lawyer and still has enough money left over to buy a very respectable house and fill one of the bathtubs in it with cocaine.

I am seriously considering jacking a horse myself (that's jacking, not jacking OFF...although I'd do that for a lot less than 650k). I could retire ten years early with that kind of payoff.

As long as I can make sure there is a camera somewhere handy I can't lose!

Temptingly,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

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"'Sex Box' has been canceled after only five episodes. When I was growing up, we didn't have a TV show called 'Sex Box.' All we had was 'The Love Boat.'" -Jimmy Kimmel



A man was questioned by police after he had witnessed his wife being beaten by five men.

"Why didn't you help?" they asked.

"I thought five was enough," he replied.



"A new species of frog discovered in Costa Rica looks exactly like Kermit the Frog. It has the same color green. It has the same eyes. And there's even a man's arm up its butt." -Seth Meyers



We had a power outage last week and my computer, TV, and games console shut down immediately.

It was raining hard and I couldn't play golf either so I just talked to my wife for a few hours.

Seems like a nice person.