Monday, June 20, 2011

Greetings Laff Lovers,

Most traditions are mindlessly followed. This past weekend I was feeling really horny, but I was so tired that I didn't feel like putting in the effort to stretch my two minutes to three so that my wife could get off, too.

"Why can't we just have an 'only for TZ' hump every now and then?" I asked my wife as she manuevered herself into her favorite orgasm position. "I mean I'm tired and just want to get off then rollover and go to sleep."

She was partially ignoring me as she was getting close to blast off when she replied, "Geeze, TZ, I know plenty of men who would pay to be in your position."

"What, do you think I don't pay? Who do you think pays...."

"OK, OK, OK..." her eyes were closed and she was panting. "I take it back! Just shut up. Just shut up. Just shut up..."

"I feel so used and cheap."

"You....are....CHEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPP!"

"I don't think I've ever felt like a whore until tonight--Will you please hold me?"

Not-quite-what-I-had-in-mindly,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com



"A new book about why women have sex claims that women's reasons differ from pleasure to obligation to even 'feeling sorry for the guy.' After hearing this, men everywhere said, 'Whatever...'" -Conan O'Brien



I went to the doctor's the other day and found out my new doctor is a young female, drop-dead gorgeous!

I was embarrassed but she said, "Don't worry, I'm a professional - I've seen it all before. Just tell me what's wrong and I'll help you in any way I can."

I said, "Well, I think my cock tastes funny..."



"Hugh Hefner's wedding has been called off. I guess he didn't want to be tied down with one woman for the rest of his weeks." -Jimmy Kimmel



*** THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZ ***
It's Available. THE Laffaday Book... Check it out, it's 91 cents! (plus s&h). For more info or to order visit: THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZ



Three women friends, one in a casual relationship, one engaged to be married and one a long-time wife, met for drinks after work. The conversation eventually drifted towards how best to spice up their sex lives.

After much discussion, they decided to surprise their men by engaging in some S&M role playing.

The following week they met up again to compare notes. Sipping her drink, the single girl leered and said, "Last Friday at the end of the work day I went to my boyfriend's office wearing a leather coat. When all the other people had left, I slipped out of it and all I had on was a leather bodice, black stockings and stiletto heels. He was so aroused that we made mad passionate love on his desk right then and there!"

The engaged woman giggled and said, "That's pretty much my story! When my fiance got home last Friday, he found me waiting for him in a black mask, leather bodice, black hose and stiletto pumps. He was so turned on that we not only screwed all night, he wants to move up our wedding date!

The married woman put her glass down and said, "I did a lot of planning. I made arrangements for the kids to stay over at Grandma's. I took a long scented-oil bath and then put on my best perfume. I slipped into a tight leather bodice, a black garter belt, black stockings and six-inch stilettos. I finished it off with a black mask. When my husband got home from work, he grabbed a beer and the remote, sat down and yelled, 'Hey, Batman, what's for dinner?'"