Thursday, June 5, 2014

Greetings Laff Lovers,

I have just been looking at what I laughingly call my finances, and now with a child in college it is becoming apparent that I am slowly going broke.

I really don't want to do it, but I don't think I have any choice. I'm going to have to send my wife back to work. The only problem is that she hasn't had a job in nearly twenty years. Not since she worked at her cousin's alligator farm back in the bayou right after college.

After being a mother and a housewife for so long there is really only one thing she is qualified to do any more. But after nineteen years with me she is an expert at it. Now all I have to do is talk her into it.

Pimp-Daddy-Z-ly,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click GopherArchives



"Most parents of gay children are unprepared to give them guidance. It's not advisable for a lesbian daughter to try to use her father's method of keeping a woman happy: 'Agree to whatever she says, and then do what you want anyway.'" --Bob Smith



A couple just got married and on the night of their honeymoon before passionate love, the wife tells the husband, "Please be gentile, I'm still a virgin."

The husband being shocked, replied, "How's this possible? You've been married three times before."

The wife responds, "Well, my first husband was a gynecologist and all he wanted to do was look at it. My second husband was a psychiatrist and all he wanted to do was talk about it. Finally, my third husband was a stamp collector and all he wanted to do was...oh, do I miss him!"



The Pharaoh was dictating, and his scribe was busily chipping away at the stone tablet. "I have plans . . . to form," the monarch said slowly, "a personal bodyguard . . . of stalwart . . .and virile . . . young men."

The chips flew, but then suddenly ceased flying, and the perspiring chiseler looked up inquiringly, "Excuse me, your Divineness, but is virile spelled with one or two testicles?"



Slang From Down Under

One in the departure lounge: The need to defecate imminently.

Picasso Arse: A woman, whose panties are too small for her, so she looks like she has four buttocks.

Starfish Trooper or Arsetronaut: A homosexual.

Swamp Donkey: A deeply unattractive woman.

Tart Fuel or Bitch Piss: Bottled Alcopops, e.g. Hooch, regularly consumed by young women.

Titanic: A woman who goes down first time out.

Todger Dodger: A lesbian.

Up on blocks: Menstruating or otherwise out of action, like a car in a garage. "I don't thin I'm in luck tonight lads, the missus is up on blocks."

Airplane Blonde: One who has bleached or dyed her hair blonde but still has a black box.

Aussie Kiss: Similar to a French kiss, but given down under.

Beer Coat: The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze cruise at three in the morning.

Beer Compass: The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after a booze cruise, even though you're too pissed to remember where you live, how you get there, and where you've come from.

Breaking The Seal: Your first piss in the pub, usually after two hours of drinking. After breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the toilet will be required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night.

Bruce Lee: An erect nipple.

Budgie's Tongue, Small Man In A Boat, or Tongue Punchbag: The female erection.

Double Bass: A sexual position in which the man enters the woman from behind, and then fiddles with the woman's nipples with one hand and her Budgie's Tongue with the other. The position is similar to that used when playing a double bass instrument, but the sound produced is slightly different.