Monday, August 11, 2014

Greetings Laff Lovers,

You want to see somebody get real depressed real quick? Hide their smart phone. My wife lost hers for 6 hours and she was inconsolable.

I finally told her what a bummer she was to be around and she stopped sulking.

When we got home she made a beeline for the bag she used when taking the kids to the pool.

"I checked that bag," I said.

"Me too. But I couldn't stop thinking about it and I don't think I checked the secret Zippered compartment...And here it is!"

I don't think I've seen her so happy since the first time I went down on her.

Messagingly,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

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"It all began with Adam. He was the first man to tell a joke--or a lie. How lucky Adam was. He knew when he said a good thing, nobody had said it before. Adam was not alone in the Garden of Eden, however, and does not deserve all the credit; much is due to Eve, the first woman, and Satan, the first consultant." --Mark Twain, 1867



The blind daters had really hit it off and, at the end of the evening as they were beginning to undress each other in his apartment, the fellow said, "Before we go any further, Charlene, tell me do you have any special fetishes that I should take into account in bed?"

"As a matter of fact," smiled the girl, "I do happen to have a foot fetish...but I suppose I'd settle for maybe seven or eight inches."



"It looks to me like the best part of you ran down the crack of your mama's ass and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress!" -Sgt. Hartman (R. Lee Ermey), FULL METAL JACKET



An American is visiting in France for several weeks. As his stay nears an end, he is sitting around with three of his new-found French friends shooting the breeze. The subject turns to language, and the American says, "Guys, I do have one question left. I keep hearing this expression, 'sang froid'. What does it mean? I know that it literally means, 'cold blood', but how is it used?"

The first Frenchman replies, "Ah, zat is easy. Say that a man walks into his bedroom, only to find his wife in bed with his best friend. If he can turn around and walk out without them knowing he was evair zere, *zat* is sang froid!"

The second Frenchman interjected, "You have eet all wrong! If, in zis circumstance, zee gentleman can calmly stand zere, and say, 'Please don't mind me; continue', zen *zat* is sang froid!"

"Non, non, non!" burst out the third. "If ze gentleman bursts een on his wife and his best friend, stands there saying, 'Please continue', and his friend *CAN* continue, *zat* is sang froid!"