Sunday, October 26, 2014

Greetings Laff Lovers,

A few people know that Clean Laffs Joe not only writes our Clean Laffs column...he also writes our Living Green publication. I can only assume that was why he accosted me as I walked past his desk this morning.

"Hey, TZ, did you know you can buy environmentally friendly insulation made out of sheep's wool for your house?"

"Why the fuck would I want to insulate my house with sheep's wool?" I asked suspiciously.

"Well, I know you like to brag that you use lambskin condoms."

"Yeah..." I responded, wondering where the hell he was going with this.

"And lamb is one of your favorite dishes."

"Yeeeaaah...?"

"It just seems like you have this weird affinity for lamb and lamb products."

"So? Are you trying to set me up with one of your sisters?"

Blind-date-ly,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

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"Scientists found they have evidence that human beings had sex with Neanderthals. Apparently the evidence is any episode of the 'Real Housewives of New Jersey.'" -Conan O'Brien



Three years ago, after my divorce, I found myself in the position of having to buy condoms, something I hadn't had to do for nearly twenty years.

The selection was overwhelming, and I asked the pharmacy clerk for some help.

He extolled the virtues of latex, ribbed, lubricated, colored, glow in the dark (assuming you can't find it any other way), Magnum size (no laughing), and more.

At last, as he was running out of breath, I asked which condom he recommended. He replied, "The condoms made of lambs intestine has a more natural feel."

I said, "Not to us city boys."



A woman phoned her neighbor and said: "Close your curtains the next time you and your wife are having sex. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday."

To which the man replied: "Well the joke's on all of you, because I wasn't even at home yesterday!"



Farmer Jones was working the field about a mile south of his barn when his tractor broke down. It was a simple repair job, but he had no tools with him. It was a long way back to the barn, and there was a house only a quarter mile in the other direction.

So, he walked down to the house to see if he could borrow some tools. As he neared the house, he noticed a bunch of black children playing basketball in the front yard.

He knocked on the door and an old black woman came to the door and asked, "Can I hep you, suh?"

He said in a southern drawl, "Yes'm I'm farmer Jones from up the road, and I wuz wonderin' if you had a monkey wrench here?"

Looking puzzled, she replied, "Naw Suh! Dis' ain't no monkey ranch, dis' a daycare center!"