Monday, February 13, 2012Greetings Laff Lovers,
My cousin was telling me that his son, who is a high school senior, thinks that he is ugly.
"Is he a virgin?" I asked.
"Of course."
"Well, there you go. A young man's idea of how handsome he is is commensurate with the amount of pussy he's getting."
"What? That's ridiculous."
"Sorry, but it's true: Get pussy and you feel handsome, no pussy no handsome. I think it's a law of nature."
"Is everything about pussy with you?"
"Kinda...Yeah."
Primitively,
TZ
Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link:
mailto:tz@gophercentral.comP.S. Are you on Facebook? If you are, check out the Deal of the Day fan page. You get exclusive offers and a new deal every day. It is easy to become a fan, just click here and hit the like button...
'Like' Deal of the Day Here"A Waffle House in Georgia is offering a romantic Valentine's Day dinner with alcohol-free champagne. That makes sense ? I mean, if you take your girlfriend to a Waffle House on Valentine's Day, you're probably drunk already." -Jimmy Fallon
An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert in Israel and came upon a casket containing a mummy, a rather rare occurrence in Israel, to say the least.
After examining it, he called the curator of the Israel museum in Jerusalem.
"I've just discovered a 3,000 year old mummy of a man who died of heart failure!" the excited scientist exclaimed.
To which the curator replied, "Bring him in. We'll check it out."
A week later, the amazed curator called the archaeologist. "You were right about both the mummy's age and cause of death. How in the world did you know?"
"Easy. There was a piece of paper in his hand that said, '10,000 Shekels on Goliath.'"
"Some people are now saying that Madonna's halftime show was full of satanic symbolism. And Madonna's response to the accusation was, 'What can I say, I owe that guy everything.'" -Conan O'Brien
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THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZSome of the best Norm Peterson quotes from "Cheers":
"What's shaking, Norm?"
"All four cheeks and a couple of chins."
"What's new, Normie?"
"Terrorists, Sam. They've taken over my stomach and they're demanding beer."
"What'd you like, Normie?"
"A reason to live. Give me another beer."
"What'll you have, Normie?"
"Well, I'm in a gambling mood Sammy. I'll take a glass of whatever comes out of the tap."
"Looks like beer, Norm."
"Call me Mister Lucky."
"Hey Norm, how's the world been treating you?"
"Like a baby treats a diaper."
"What's the story, Mr. Peterson?"
"The Bobsey Twins go to the brewery. Let's cut to the happy ending."
"Hey Mr. Peterson, there's a cold one waiting for you."
"I know, if she calls, I'm not here."
"What's going on, Mr. Peterson?"
"A flashing sign in my gut that says, 'Insert beer here.'"
"Whatcha up to, Norm?"
"My ideal weight if I were eleven feet tall."
"How's it going, Mr. Peterson?"
"Poor."
"I'm sorry to hear that."
"No, I mean pour."
"How's life treating you, Norm?"
"Like it caught me sleeping with its wife."
"Women. Can't live with 'em.... pass the beer nuts."
"What's going down, Normie?"
"My butt cheeks on that bar stool."
"Pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?"
"Alright, but stop me at one....make that one-thirty."
"How's it going, Mr. Peterson?"
"It's a dog eat dog world, Woody and I'm wearing Milk Bone underwear."
"What's the story, Norm?"
"Boy meets beer. Boy drinks beer. Boy meets another beer."
"Can I pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?"
"A little early, isn't it, Woody?"
"For a beer?"
"No, for stupid questions."