Thursday, December 12, 2013

Greetings Laff Lovers,

This story I just came across proves that (despite all of the cat memes and Japanese tentacle porn) the Internet is smarter, or at least funnier than me.


Singer R. Kelly tried to promote his new CD on Twitter yesterday, but the publicity stunt turned into a nightmare.

In an effort to promote his CD "Black Panties," R. Kelly tweeted: "I want all my fans and everyone out there to know that this is REALLY me answering your questions, so fire away."

The singer apparently forgot about the negative publicity surrounding past allegations of child pornography and his 2008 trial. He was acquitted of all 14 counts, but his defense team made numerous bizarre claims, even comparing a witness to Satan, noted The New York Times.

The responses on Twitter included:

Hey @rkelly is there such a thing as too young for you? And what would that be - 5, 6? #AskRKelly

I got a cousins birthday coming up what are are 7 year old into now a days? #AskRKelly

So @rkelly only answered 16 questions, the perv really cannot do anything over 18 #AskRkelly

I heard the original title was called "Lil Black Panties". True? #AskRKelly #BlackPanties


Unsympathetically,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

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Text from daughter to mom:
"Hello mom, I need your advice. I have some of my boyfriend's cum stuck in my hair. How do I get it out? Will I have to cut it out?"

Text from mom to daughter:
"It?s nice you can send me such a frank text. No, you won't have to cut it out. I've had loads of cum in my hair over the years and it will just wash out."

Daughter back to mom:
"Oh my God, mom... sorry, I meant to spell gum."



My wife informed me she had my funeral all planned out. She has picked out a deep mahogany casket. She will have me buried in a black suit with light blue shirt and my power red tie. A red scarf folded neatly into the breast pocket. I will have flowers in all the colors surrounding the casket. All my favorite songs will be sung by the church choir.

She asked me if I had planned her funeral.

I told her I was going to cremate her and toss her ashes into the warm Caribbean waters from the back of a singles cruise.



At a rape trial the young victim was asked by the D.A. what the defendant said before the alleged assault. Too embarrassed to answer aloud, the victim asked if she could write out the answer. After reading the note, the judge instructed the jury foreman to read it and pass it among the rest of the jurors.

One juror, who had dozed off, was nudged by the woman juror sitting next to him. He took the note from her and read, "I'm going to fuck you like you've never been fucked before."

The juror smiled at the woman and slipped the note in his pocket. "Will juror number 12 please pass the note to me!" ordered the judge.

"I can't, Your Honor," the juror answered. "It's personal."