Thursday, May 24, 2012

Greetings Laff Lovers,

I don't know how many of you are also subscribed to Clean Laffs Joe's rag, but it looks like the little guy has finally chosen a side.

It's true! After years of confusion, inner conflict and furtive, late night visits to all male massage parlors, old Joe has finally decided to get married! To a woman!

So it has been nothing but wedding talk around the office for the last week or two. All of the married girls (which is almost all of them) have been telling stories about when they got married. It's made me nostalgic about my own nuptials.

Fortunately, I don't have any bizarre stories. Nobody got drunk, arrested or into a fist fight. One thing that did stick in my head clearly, other than how gorgeous my wife looked that day, was how proud my father was of me.

In fact, I think it was the last time he was genuinely proud of me.

He came up to me after the ceremony, pulled me aside by the elbow into a quiet corner and winked at me. "TZ," he said leaning close, "you're finally not a schmuck."

Reminiscingly,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

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"DC Comics announced that one of its existing superheroes will be reintroduced as gay. Or as Aquaman put it, 'Why is everyone looking at me?'" -Jimmy Fallon



A salesman was testifying in his divorce proceedings against his wife."Please describe," said his attorney, "the incident that first caused you to entertain suspicions as to your wife's infidelity."

"Well, I'm pretty much on the road all week," the man testified. "So naturally when I am home, I'm attentive to the wife." One Sunday morning," he continued, "we were in the midst of some pretty heavy lovemaking when the old lady in the apartment next door pounded on the wall and yelled, 'Can't you at least stop all that racket on the weekends?'"



"For the first time ever, scientists have created artificial life. The hope is that it can revolutionize healthcare, generate clean energy, become super-intelligent, take over the world, make us all its slaves, etc." -Jimmy Kimmel



*** THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZ ***
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"Marriage Definitions"

BACHELOR: A nice guy who has cheated some nice girl out of her alimony.

BRIDE: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.

COMPROMISE: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way.

DIPLOMAT: A man who can convince his wife she would look fat in a fur coat.

GENTLEMAN: A husband who steadies the stepladder so that his wife will not fall while she paints the ceiling.

HOUSEWORK: What the wife does that nobody notices until she doesn't do it.

HUSBAND: A man who gives up privileges he never realized he had.

JOINT CHECKING ACCOUNT: A handy little device which permits the wife to beat the husband to the draw.

LOVE: An obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage.

MOTHER-IN-LAW: A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

MRS.: A job title involving heavy duties, light earnings, and no recognition.

SPOUSE: Someone who will stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single in the first place.

WIFE: A mate who is forever complaining about not having anything to wear at the very same time that she complains about not having enough room in the closet.