Thursday, April 3, 2014

Greetings Laff Lovers,

Lewis walked into my office as I was pouring myself a cup of my freshly ground, freshly brewed coffee. Call me a pussy, but ever since my brother got me hooked on good coffee I just can't drink the stuff in the breakroom.

"Oh, coffee," he said. "Did you know that coffee beans are the seeds of a coffee berry and so are a fruit seed and not a vegetable?"

"Umm, no, but I DO know that this Dark Roast Sumatra is some of the best tasting java I've had. It's fruity and spicy and just damned good."

"Sounds great," and he stuck out his dirty Bizarre News mug and said, "save me a trip to the breakroom and hit me with some of that."

So I poured him some (making sure not to touch his hardly-been-washed mug) and he took a sip.

"What do you think? My wife said it tastes like mud."

"Huh? Oh, it's good."

He was chewing... "Are you chewing gum?"

"Yeah."

"Well, how can you tell what the coffee tastes like?"

"It tastes like Grape Bubble Yum."

"You buy yourself Grape Bubble Yum?"

"No, I found it in my wife's purse."

"You have no appreciation for anything. Don't ask me for any more gourmet coffee, OK?"

"'Gourmet coffee, shesh, what a pussy."

Arabically,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

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"There's a new website that helps you write elaborate works of personalized fiction. It's called Match.com." -Conan O'Brien



A guy walks in and sits down at a bar. The side of his face is bruised and bleeding so the bartender asks, "What in the world happened to you, buddy?"

The guy says "Oh, I got in a fight with my girlfriend and I called her a two-bit whore."

"Yeah," says the bartender. "What did she do?"

"She hit me with her bag of quarters!"



"Tiger Woods announced that he won't play in the Masters because he's recovering from back surgery. His doctors have told him to avoid swinging - and also golfing." -Seth Meyers



A beautiful young woman is getting dressed for work one morning in her high-rise apartment building. She glances out her fiftieth-story bedroom window and sees a window washer outside. Thinking she will rattle him, she slowly takes off her dress.

The window washer just goes about the business of cleaning the windows. Next, she removes her slip in a very provocative manner. Still, the man just keeps working away. Taking her striptease to the full extent, she takes off her bra and panties and begins parading around her room. The window washer still takes no notice of her.

Finally, the woman walks over to the window and just stands there, totally naked, staring at the man outside her window. At last the window washer puts down his pail and says, "What's the matter, lady, haven't you ever seen a window washer before?"