Thursday, February 26, 2015

Greetings Laff Lovers,

So Lewis and I are back from the Illinois high school state wrestling tournament, and I gotta say, I am impressed. The level of skill and endurance of these kids just blew me away.

After one particularly exciting match between two of the top guys in the class, both of whom were only sophomores, Lewis turned to me and asked, "Why do you suppose the skill level has increased so dramatically this year?"

"I believe it's all in the coaching at the junior level. The kid that just won is a product of a junior program on the Southside that is run by a college national champ that I happen to know. That kid just wrestled like a college wrestler. If you take a motivated kid and put him with a knowledgeable coach that's the result you get."

"Were you a motivated wrestler with a knowledgeable coach?"

"Fuck no. I could barely make weight. My coach was the biology teacher, and he never wrestled competitively. He also looked exactly like Barney Rubble. Boy did we suck. But at least he was a hands-on kind of coach. He was always willing to get down on his hands and knees and roll around with us. And he always seemed to have a roll of quarters in his front pocket."

Reminiscently,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

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"Charles Manson has officially broken off his engagement to his 27-year-old fiancee. When asked why, Manson said, 'Her mother was a total psycho.'" -Conan O'Brien



Once upon a time a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, Will you marry me? The Princess said, No!!!

And the Prince lived happily ever after and he rode motorcycles and chased skinny long-legged girls with big boobs and he hunted and fished and raced cars and went to naked bars and dated women half his age and drank whiskey, beer and Wild Turkey and never heard whining and never paid child support or alimony and he banged cheerleaders and kept his house and guns and ate spam and potato chips and beans and blew enormous farts and never got cheated on while he was at work and all his friends and family thought he was frikin cool and he had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up.



"New Defense Secretary Ashton Carter said that he is open to letting transgender people serve in the military. He said there's no reason to prevent people from being generals just because of their privates." -Jimmy Fallon



There is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls. We've all heard of people having Guts or having Balls. But do you really know the difference between them?

In an effort to keep you informed, here are the definitions:

GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the boys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the Guts to ask: 'Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?'

BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the boys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the bum and having the Balls to say: 'You're next, Chubby.'

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.

Medically, speaking there is no difference in the outcome.

Both are fatal!