Monday, January 2, 2012

Greetings Laff Lovers,

Happy New Year, everybody. I hope everyone celebrated the holiday safely. The wife and I went out visiting on New Year's Eve and were home by eleven.

That's family life for you.

I have made a New Year's resolution, however, and that is to make damn sure I don't have any more kids, because I am on the very edge of sending back the ones I have.

My 16-year-old daughter wanted to go to a house party with her friends on New Year's Eve, which I agreed to, but she wanted to drive herself, which I did not.

I was more than happy to drop her off at her friend's house on our way out for the evening and pick her up again at twelve-thirty, but she would not quit arguing that it would make her look like a big baby.

When I finally told her that I did appreciate her talking back to me the way she was she told me, and I quote, to "get used to it."

Fortunately for the girl my wife was able to throw herself between us before DCFS and the police had to be called. But it was a near thing.

After the wife pried my three wood out of my hands I decided on a solution that involved considerable less jail time. I made her come with us to visit my brother and his family and then my parents.

When she complained that wasn't fair since I had previously promised she could go to the party, I told her to get used to it.

Parentally,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

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Wife to Husband: "If I die, I want you to promise me, in the funeral procession, you?ll let my mother ride in the first car with you."

Husband: "All right, but it will ruin my day."



Hank finally found the nerve to tell his fiancee that he had to break off their engagement so that he could marry another woman.

"Can she cook like I can?" the distraught woman asked.

"Not on her best day." Hank replied.

"Does she buy you expensive gifts like I do?" she asked.

"No, she's broke."

"Well then, is it sex?"

"Nope,... nobody does it like you, babe."

"Then what is it? What can she do for you that I can't?"

"She can sue me for child support."



A grandmother overheard her 5-year-old granddaughter playing "wedding." The wedding vows went like this: "You have the right to remain silent, anything you say may be held against you, you have the right to have an attorney present. You may kiss the bride."



*** THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TZ ***
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When I was 13, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend with big tits.

When I was 16, I got a girlfriend with big tits, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with zest for life.

In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.

When I was 25, I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.

When I was 28, I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.

When I turned 30, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground, so I married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.

I am older and wiser now, and I am looking for a girl with big tits.