Monday, September 17, 2012

Greetings Laff Lovers,

This is the last week of summer, for those of you who give a shit about that kind of thing. To me the seasons are separated into "golf" and "masturbation". And I'm not about to put my clubs up for the year yet.

Determinedly,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

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A wife says to her husband, "You're always pushing me around and talking behind my back."

He says, "What do you expect? You're in a wheel chair!"



Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing.

And never under any circumstances expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism.

(F.Y.I. guys--cumin is a spice and not a bodily function)



A buddy of mine has just told me he's getting it on with his girlfriend and her twin. I said, "How can you tell them apart?"

He said, "Her brother's got a mustache."



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A guy goes into U.S. Postal Service to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"

He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee."

"Ok, Have you ever been in the military service?"

"Yes," he says, "I was in Afghanistan for one tour."

The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment." Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"

The guy says, "Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles."

The interviewer grimaces and then says, "Okay. You've got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 PM. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am, and you might as well plan on starting at 10:00 am every Day."

The guy is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 PM, why don't you want me here until 10?"

"This is a government job," the interviewer says. "For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in You coming in for that."